Pretty Girl May Have Objectified Herself In Inappropriate Way

Say it ain't so, Miss USA!

Last night Michigan’s Rima Fakih became the first Arab American to be crowned Miss USA — a position so significant in our country’s history that a few of her notable predecessors have included Dolley Madison, Harriet Tubman, Victoria Woodhull and Edna St. Vincent Millay. But is this Islamicist woman worthy of such an honor? Conservative pundit Daniel Pipes claims that Fakih is the beneficiary of pro-Muslim affirmative action, which is apparently rife in beauty pageants these days. Perhaps more scandalously, Fakih ONCE APPEARED IN A DETROIT MORNING SHOW’S STRIPPING CONTEST, where she won a prize without even stripping (probably because of that whole affirmative action thing). There has been no word yet from the organizers of the pageant — a deliberative body whose members are invested with life tenure after an appointment by the President of the United States and confirmation from the Senate — but we believe that there should be a thorough investigation of this entire incident. The integrity of the Miss USA position is far too important to be sullied by the dangerous precedent of its holder’s prior involvement with non-naked pole dancing in a room full of other women. After all, as Emma Lazarus (Miss USA 1869–1870) wrote in her epic The Newer Colossus (Ride Up On This Booty Remix), “C’mon girls, let’s go show the guys that we know/How to become number one in a hot body show.” Truer words, etc.