"Sexual Hijinks in Sox Park Bathroom Taint Opening Day" Breaks Awl Staff


Choire Sicha: IS THIS FOR REAL?
Alex Balk: Wow.
Choire: It’s… hard to know where to start with this! And I’m torn about whose beat this is?

Choire: 1. blowjobs = you? 2. bathroom blowjobs = me? 3. kids / sports = you? 4. taint = ???
Balk: Is it even a blowjob situation though?
Choire: NOT SURE?
Balk: Would you not see two pairs of legs in a blowjob scenario?
Choire: Only if you’re doing it wrong. If you knew what you were doing, one person would be standing or kneeling on the seat.
Balk: This is like blowjob forensic science.
Choire: I haven’t had to do this much investigative work since the great toe-tapping incident.
Balk: “As they waited, Nemeth said, he noticed noises coming from the last stall. A man’s legs — clad in blue jeans and sneakers — were sticking out from under the stall door. ‘The toes were pointing up,’ said Nemeth. ‘The legs were shaking and quivering. From a visual standpoint, all you had to see was the legs quivering to know something was going on.’
Choire: This is how newspapers fail us! So many details, but somehow all the wrong ones.
Balk: See, the eyewitness account seems to indicate penetrative sex: “’This guy will talk about this experience for the rest of his life,’ said Nemeth, sarcastically. ‘How he did it in the bathroom at a Sox game. What a man.’”
Choire: Oh! “Did it”! That’s what you people call it. I breezed past that… His toes were “pointing up” and then…. Huh. You people do it weird.

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