Will Mexican Drug Violence Change The Way America's College Kids Tan?

Panic in Acapulco as heavily-armed Mexican police are sent in to protect our nation’s most valuable resource: nubile young college students whose scantily-clad bodies perk up pretty much any boring news story. Anyway, parents of our country’s spring breakers are concerned that Mexico’s spiraling drug violence will put their children-who just want to get drunk and have random sex in warm weather-at risk. They’re also worried about the lives of the poor Mexicans whose daily existence is a struggle to survive the violence of rival cartels and who are about a million times more likely to become crime victims, especially now, when even the terribly inadequate police protection they are used to has been shifted in service of a bunch of yanqui undergrads. Actually, I’m just guessing on that second part.