Subject: Listen up, douchebags
Date: Friday, March 26, 2010, 3:30 PM
You might have seen a story that two gay dudes were fighting at a welfare office. The source: some blog that posted a video of two gay dudes fighting at a welfare office.
Now our default stance is obscurantism. Choire Sicha (sorry, Choire) did a typical Awly item. It’s done as a compare-and-contrast post, dripping with the author’s implication that he’s upset and showing two videos — both strangely described.
6 new visitors. Pretty pathetic considering we’re talking about the intrinsic hotness of the subject, which, I will remind you, is gay dudes fighting at a welfare office.
Now I’m not arguing that we should champion the idea of homosexual fisticuffs at government benefits offices. But this video had a bit more going for it than usual: gay dudes fighting at a welfare office. And we can inject some clarity, which might improve the chance the story gets passed around.
One possibility: just make the post an explainer and ask a question in the headline. Try this: Want To See Something Awesome? Or, How Cool Is This Video Of Gay Dudes Fighting At A Welfare Office? Or, Gay Dudes Fighting At Welfare Offices: A Look Back? Or even, Are There Naked Pictures Of Megan Fox Underneath This Video Of Gay Dudes Fighting At The Welfare Office? The answer might be No. (Particularly if you go with the Megan Fox title.)
But let’s at least encourage the readers to get as far as our answer — rather than turning them away at the headline. I know that’s what makes you “cool,” and “hip,” and “different,” but I am tired of doing this every day and I want to sell this fucker as soon as possible. You’re so obsessed by the nearby hills (being “arty” and “not the usual clickwhoring site”) that you’re missing the summit (GAY DUDES FIGHTING AT A WELFARE OFFICE). Me needs monies, stop fucking it up.
Now if you’ll excuse me I need to forward this memo on to various media blogs to help maintain my reputation as The Evilest Employer Ever. If you need me I’ll be cackling maniacally in the back.