And Now, the 84th Reason I Hate Adderall

And Now, the 84th Reason I Hate Adderall


Basically all my friends take Adderall. It’s sort of fine? I mean, it’s not like all of them are on the heroin or something. And as far as I can gather, most of the effects of The Ivy Speed, as I like to call it, are internal-by which I mean, I can’t always tell! I wouldn’t know. (Though I can tell when you’re writing on Adderall, yes I can. That is reason #52 why I hate it. All that focusing really does something to your syntax. Something bad!) Still, I hate it, and find it boring, and I hate its massive over-use in young people (reason #17) though it’s totally okay that you use it, and I am in a very glassy house over here as a smoker, which is probably way, way more socially and ethically annoying. But the 84th reason I hate your Adderall comes from the recent Society of Toxicology annual meeting, by way of NPR today.

Because you drop one of your little pills in my house with your fumbling, amped-up hands and it could be CURTAINS for the cat. (Curtains I say!) “Right now, Adderall is probably one of the top three human drugs that the poison control center gets calls about for cats,” it turns out. Your enjoyable little habit = Cat Death!


Most poisonings cases that the ASPCA’s center learns about involve dogs, [toxicologist Sharon] Gwaltney-Brant says, because they’re fairly indiscriminate about what they’ll eat. Not cats. Out of curiosity, they might sample a pill or capsule — but seldom finish it, she says. As soon as they bite in and discover its bland or even objectionable flavor, they tend to walk away.

Except when it comes to Adderall XR. Cats not only bite in but readily finish every bit. This suggests, she says, that there’s something about it that cats find unusually enticing.

And that’s bad, because a single 20 milligram capsule could kill the average size cat.

Murderers! You’re all potential murderers. Highly-alert, extremely productive murderers.

This message brought to you by The Cat Lobby.