BTW, While You Were Being Selfish And Goal-Oriented Your Eggs Were Dying

You will never have one of these, you wizened crone

Ladies, I bring you some unfortunate news. I know all you want to do is birth that baby you think is going to complete you and make your life full of purpose, but the thing you need to know is that your ovaries are decaying even more rapidly than previously suspected. Are you 30 or over? Uh oh. A new study shows that most of your eggs are already gone, and the ones that are left aren’t really that good. You will probably NEVER HAVE THAT BABY. There, there. No, shhh, I know. Chin up, sweetie, it’s okay. I’m sure that career you’ve been busy building will more than compensate for the overwhelming feeling of emptiness and lack of meaning that failing to achieve the most important goal of womanhood usually results in. Maybe you should just shift your focus to trying to get married. I mean, sometimes that does still happen to a woman over 30, right? But you should probably buy lots of cosmetics for that extra edge, just in case.