I can’t recall the whole story, because I don’t have the issue with me, but there’s a story in the latest Private Eye about something that the Darlington, England, council did recently, I’m not precise on the details-God, this is like the worst blog post ever-but it involved the embarrassing use of the word “chooching,” which is completely new to me. Apparently, it means to masturbate while crying. Am I like the last person in the world to have learned this? And, if so, why? Because I’m familiar as hell with the act, I just had no idea they had given a name to it. Anyway, for your files.