The Ocelot Never Leaves

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“The ocelot is mostly nocturnal and very territorial. It will fight fiercely, sometimes to the death, in territorial disputes. In addition, the ocelot marks its territory with especially pungent urine. Like most felines, it is solitary, usually meeting only to mate. However, during the day it rests in trees or other dense foliage, and will occasionally share its spot with another ocelot of the same sex. When mating, the female will find a den in a cave in a rocky bluff, a hollow tree, or a dense (preferably thorny) thicket.” If you’re the kind of woman who only comes out to snag a man and then gets so drunk that you piss all over his apartment floor, hit up the Observer. Your story must be shared with the world.