Real America, with Abe Sauer: Last Minute Christmas Sex Doll Shopping at Spencer's

by Abe Sauer


Those of you heading out to do last minute shopping today may come across a Spencer’s. The gift store has been around for more than 60 years. The retailer’s 600-plus stores are still mainstays in many of America’s shopping malls, providing each new generation of 12-year-old boys with giggles. It’s almost a quaint American icon! Except, not really.

Spencer’s is apparently investing heavily in the blow up sex doll business now. No big deal. Though the below two dolls raise a few obvious questions. Do Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton’s respective attorneys know about this? A second question: Why isn’t the Jessica doll on sale, seeing as the Tony Romo Dallas Cowboys #9 theme is dead now that they broke up? There is no third question.

paris hilton blow up
jessica simpson blow up

Ok. So what, right? Spencer’s brand of humor has always been less than classy.

Then there is this:

spencer emme midgetr

“MeMe” the Midget Blowup Doll: “Good things come in small packages, and did you notice she’s exactly the right height? If you’ve ever wanted to know what it’s like to be a with a little person, this is your big chance! Meme the inflatable Midget Doll is a hit at bachelor parties and a great gag gift for the birthday boy!”

Only $19.99!

This one raises even more questions. Why is she in an Asian-themed dress? Is she Asian? Why does Spencer’s even bother with the respectful “little people” when it’s already got “midget” in the title? Why aren’t there any customer reviews yet? And, how can Spencer’s justify selling this horrible thing?

To find out about that last question, I called Kevin Mahoney, Spencer’s general counsel. Mr. Mahoney is a busy man, dealing with everyone from the upset Irish to an an upset Willie Nelson to upset parent groups. He also handled Spencer’s 2008 Massachusetts child-labor violation.

Mahoney told me he was familiar with the product and that it was just one of Spencer’s offerings with “an adult theme.” When I asked how, even allowing for liberal interpretations of taste, he could justify the product, he insisted that the inflatable midget love doll is simply “a novelty and humor item.”

Mahoney added, “People’s senses of humor are subjective.”

Meanwhile, the reaction to “MeMe” I received from Gary Arnold, vice president of public relations for Little People of America, was predictable, surprisingly free of cursing, and very correct:

“For people of short stature, naming a toy a “midget doll” is equivalent to using the most insulting terms to identify an African American, Latino, Disabled, etc… doll.

In addition, most dolls marketed today that happen to be of a non-white ethnicity are not named according to the doll’s ethnicity. So if you create a doll that happens to be a person of short stature, why call it a “midget doll.” I can’t speak for the intentions of the doll’s creators, but I can speak to what I think is the impact of such a product. The doll will reinforce stereotypical social stigma against people of physical difference.”

So if you’re fighting your way through the mall this season and your gaze falls upon Spencer’s, maybe the emotion triggered will be a wistful nostalgia for the past and, then again, maybe it will be a more angry lament for a total loss of shame?

(N.B. The photo up top is a bunch of 13-year-olds on some school athletic team trip coming out of Spencer’s in a Fargo mall. Maybe one of them is your nephew, who just got himself a 3-love-openings-of-pleasure “MeMe” inflatable midget love doll.)

Abe Sauer sure loves Christmas shopping.