You know, I read all the reviews of Art Basel Miami, and I didn’t link to any of them, because they bored me. Finally, late-breaking, here is an account of the art fair that I actually enjoyed reading! “It all began when some friends took me to a party where I ultimately met a very well-known German artist. Aside from the fact he was three times my age-and weight-there was something very seductive about being force-fed bumps, champagne, and chocolate. The German artist asked me if I wanted to come to his hotel room for a nightcap, and even though my vision was blurred-in this case that was a good thing-it became increasingly clear I didn’t have a choice. Once I finished raiding his mini-bar, it was apparent that there was an expectation of sex in return for his generosity throughout the evening. Fortunately for me, we had the same turn-on: watching me jerk-off. I made him watch from the other side of the room because it’s hard to concentrate when someone’s talking dirty to you in German.” GOD BLESS.