Wonderfully told story resulting from excellent research, thank you for writing this. The part of the story that spoke of children being put into solitary was especially hard to read. Kids need to reject parents in order to form a sense of their independent self . If there's no parent or even culture to reject, what then?
I know a man who, as a child, inadvertently killed another child while playing. They'd found keys in construction equipment that had been abandoned by a drunk operator. My friend was sent to Juvie jail. The adult was never charged, the "investigation" covered the tracks of the men in their fat Union jobs and destroyed the records. The friend's home had been violently abusive. Nothing was good; nothing to heal him. He's severely mentally ill now, refusing therapy. He's a stranger to his own kids, some on government assistance, who have now have kids of their own. He was prevented from a life; they were set up for failure.
@VerySplendid Sashay your bad self over to The Toast for your reading materials. The cool kids hanging at the Hairpin did that a year ago. Mallory Ortberg writes, as the web's Sugar admonishes, like a mother-f-er.
@Tamlin Eve@facebook second everything you said, it's nearly my story, except I don't have the new relationship. I'd offer to amend your quote to read "reproducing doesn't make you a person worthy of time and respect." I offer that being a Mother, a real Mother, would. After years of my sociopathic mother telling me I ruined her life by my existence, being mocked for my hair color and told I wasn't part of the real family, having to quit high school at 15 and go to work when I found my bedroom furniture piled outside the house, I heaved a huge breath of relief when that useless, drunken, sex-addict bitch killed herself. Some people just reproduce.
I'm intrigued that the LW was able to find love and acceptance in a new family. I spent much of my life trying to heal old wounds with new people of the same type. Wow, that wears one down. Reading the letter, I felt concern at the description of the new family in superlatives. My thought was I'd feel more comfortable about this new family if they were described with "having some faults, but were far more receptive to working out problems, love to talk things through and hug at the end," phrases that indicate they're real-world people to LW, not just salvation. Also, I wish LW much love and success, you can name your daughter after me...
@Althaea Yup Yup. My list, when I was sickest, was even shorter: 1) Shower Every Day 2) Outside Every Day. You start where you're at.
And for authentic Borderline Personality Disorder: I was marginally involved in a situation between a couple that quickly went supernova when the guy ran his usual Narcissistic, Bipolar game (medically diagnosed) on an unsuspecting "extra" woman, who we learned was BPD. That BP male, a professional victim we'd tolerated, got his game handed back to him by the BPD, on fire. It was scary though.
There is new research and therapies -DBT- for Borderlines who are motivated to change. Psychcentral dot com is curated by a doctor, dbtself help dot com, and behavioral tech dot org feature the work of Marsha Linehan, PhD. A revelation for BPD's to find the thing that hurts so much can be addressed, and it may even be helpful for Bipolar.
Polly's Futon Boy got a pass for punching, it seems to me. Fist to face= Out of His Place.
@Hosein Kouros-Mehr your facts are as I know them, too, and yet I don't reach your conclusion. The Haves seem pretty happy to bully the Have-Nots. It seems more overt, since the gleeful looting and pillage of 2008.
"There's a reason it's called 'Self-Esteem'" -Katt Williams. (That's directed at me, too)
I know this trap. Listen to yourself, saying "I can't." That's the padlock. We all trap ourselves.