By Clarence Rosario on The Alien Mysteries of Easter Island
would a parrot-wearing pirate demand to go to Parrot Island
I'm not sure that's the proper comparison. After all, the captain didn't demand to go to Bunny Island.
I think a parrot-wearing pirate would demand to be taken to Margaritaville.
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By Jamie Peck on Ask Polly: Jesus, My Struggling Writer Friends Never Shut Up!
Almost none of my closest friends are writers. That's just how it happened. We all do different things for work, but we all unite around the common goals of having adventures, making each other laugh, supporting each other, and watching spider videos on youtube while tripping our faces off. It's a beautiful thing. We will also listen to each other complain, but we all try to complain about shit only when necessary.
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By My Number Is My Address on Ask Polly: Jesus, My Struggling Writer Friends Never Shut Up!
I talk to people to avoid thinking abut my failed professional writing life. Maybe I'm lucky to have a failed personal life and a magic hat of crazy-ass trivia to talk about but also it seems to me that talking about writing is like talking about sex; a repetitive and vaguely pathological substitute of the most unsatisfying sort. Masturbation is Hyperion to yapping's satyr. Write, write high or write low, or don't write at all but for god's sake don't talk about writing.
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By maggiepearson on Fatal Beaver Attack Leaves Man Dead Because It Was a Fatal Attack
It's a lesson learned that we must be very careful when it comes to taking a picture with animal we do not know.
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By My Number Is My Address on Fatal Beaver Attack Leaves Man Dead Because It Was a Fatal Attack
Something something dentata.
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By happymisanthrope on Fatal Beaver Attack Leaves Man Dead Because It Was a Fatal Attack
"which was unusual because beavers are nocturnal..."
And what do we know about nocturnal creatures seen during the day? Probably has rabies.
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By Mr. B on Teenagers Quitting Facebook Because It's Full of Old People
I would love to meet a teenager who is aware that the New York Dolls once existed, much less listens to them.
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By Clarence Rosario on Teenagers Quitting Facebook Because It's Full of Old People
I quit going to the movie theater because it's full of teenagers checking Facebook on their phones.
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By Dandylion girl on All I Know Is That Cadbury Eggs Are For A Limited Time Only
I'm just gonna leave the Ten Things I Hate About Commandments fake trailer here so that everyone else can appreciate it like I do.
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By My Number Is My Address on The Alien Mysteries of Easter Island
Plus Mormons are aliens.