On Our Mysterious Chief Information Officer, Vivek Kundra
Memo to the US Government: I can build you a sweet-ass Wordpress site for UNDER A GRAND. Srsly.
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On This Twitter Account is the End of the Internet
Twitter and twat are clearly meant for each other.
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On Giddy Obama Protester Armed, Upbeat
I knew if I watched that whole clip that a church would be involved somehow.
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On Florida Rap Robbery "Off the Chain," Says Florida Cop
I bet Prop Joe new the barbershop was going to get robbed.
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On Baby Panda Confuses, Disgusts
When did "about the size of a stick of butter" become the required terminology for describing panda babies? In every news report on every panda ever born in captivity, they always say that the new cub is "about the size of a stick of butter." Why not "about the size of a remote control?" A little originality, please.
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On Bill Clinton Rescues North Korean Prisoners
I'd so totally start giggling. I mean, look at that fucking place.
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On Ghostface Killah: Sensitive Genius Poet, Also Backwards-Thinking Sexist
My wife is so lucky I wifed her up.
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On Picking Palin: John McCain's Risky Gamble
"Advisers thought picking Lieberman would alter the race, particularly if coupled with the move McCain was seriously considering: a pledge to serve just one term. Virtually all his top advisers favored the idea."
Look, here's what we do: it appears that nobody wants you to be president, so let's promise them that if you win, they won't have to put up with you for too long.
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On Random Chris Brown Wedding Video Makes Him The Luckiest Person Alive
While this certainly looks fun, I kind of wonder about turning your wedding into linkbait. Does it devalue it, in some way? Like when the groom pretends to have lost the rings. Way to turn your wedding into a tired sitcom gag.
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On A Primer for the Coastal Elite: What Do The Tea Party Folks Want?
Excellent, excellent piece, even though my Peanut Better idea is now worthless. I should've had Abe sign an NDA, as my attorney advised.