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On Things You Can Do At JFK For 8 Hours

I spent about 10 hours in Houston one holiday season during a transfer. My first cancelled flight was fine -- I went to the bar and made some new friends. My second cancelled flight was more of a bummer -- but hey! Bar! For like three hours. When I showed up for my third flight, I guess all those doubles they are so happy to throw on had caught up to me, because a very nice flight attendant explained I was too drunk to board this flight. They gave me a $5 gift card to Starbucks (!) and then explained there was another flight leaving in 2 hours. I called my better half to explained what had happened, and left a voice mail. The text message reply: "Stop drinking. You have to be around my family." I nursed a black coffee and a ginger ale for the rest of the time, and felt truly awful the next day.

My credit card bill from that day was more than my plane ticket cost.

Lesson learned: if you're gonna drink in the airport, buy those little mini bottles and put 'em a quart bag. Or, just, you know, learn some self-control.

Posted on January 13, 2014 at 7:00 pm 0

On Everyone Secretly Hates "Snow Fall"

Worse still is the notes you'll get from helpful sales people about Snowfall. "Why don't we do this?" YES WHY DON'T WE

Posted on May 22, 2013 at 11:40 am 2

On SF Weekly, Seattle Weekly Latest Victims Of Alt-Weekly Newspaper Industry

@jfruh Actually the Guardian was bought by same company that now owns SFW last year, with Bruggman selling and exiting, though Tim Redmond remains. Which is hilarious for anyone who knows history of the two companies.

Oh yeah, Village Voice is still in its old (pretty dim and depressing) building, though they are attempting to move still.

Posted on January 9, 2013 at 5:16 pm 0

On And One Day We Will Die And A Lambo We'll Buy

Muddily mixed and third-rate Hood Internet, which is already third-rate rap for people that don't like rap. But it's fun to think about how you could tweak folks by churning these things out.

Guided by Voices + "Trill" = Bun B. Thousands
Cap'n Jazzy Jeff
"What's Yr Take on Cassavettes" + "Faded" = Le Tyga

Posted on June 2, 2012 at 2:06 pm 1

On I Have Thoughts About Commenting Systems!

Disqus is a pain in the ass on the admin and implementation side, though have no idea how much your current system is a pain in the ass.

Currently in the middle of a migration to Livefyre*, and it's actually pretty great? Like, I didn't know there could be a great commenting system, but there you go. Importing avatars and old comments has been pretty easy (the pain has been exporting them from Disqus).

Facebook does not seem like a good fit for you guys.

Alt: one Tripod Guestbook for The Awl. Could dig up the code from my old Shadowrun Fan Pages Ring.

*Worst name ever in an industry filled with shitty, shitty names. My Christian screamo band in college opened up for Livefyre.

Posted on May 3, 2012 at 7:14 pm 3

On My Quest To Get Rich From Viral Cat Videos

Who is this mysterious one known only as "Shepherd" and what secrets of going viral does he or she know?

Posted on March 6, 2012 at 3:31 pm 0

On My Three-Month Facebook Dialogue With A Scammer From Malaysia Pretending To Be A Beautiful Woman

Teddy "Lowtax" Wayne. Can't wait for The Awl's Photoshop Phriday!

Posted on December 6, 2011 at 8:09 pm 0

On Class, Strategy And Shopping: What Happened At Occupy Black Friday

@davetar "A poor family would undoubtedly rather have a decent apartment than a new TV, but since they are unlikely to get the apartment, what is to be gained by not getting the TV?" -- Elenor Mills, "Women and the Myth of Consumerism," 1969 (1969!)

Posted on November 30, 2011 at 6:56 pm 0

On 'Pet Sematary': A Reminder That Zombie Cats Make Terrible Pets

Oh, man, It, where they all have sex? Because it'll help them get out of the sewer or something? I remember reading in 6th grade and showing up for school the next day, unable to make eye contact with anybody. I think the only Stephen King thing that fucked with me more was his short story The Mist.

Posted on August 10, 2011 at 7:08 pm 2

On What Is Your Top Anxiety Dream?

Sending an email, need to bcc someone. But where is the bcc field? WHERE IS THE BCC FIELD?!

Posted on June 1, 2011 at 12:16 pm 1