Also, I knew this relationship was doomed as soon as she started analyzing all the differences between this relationship and the current one, how the intellectual connection is different and the communication is different and blah blah blah. . .one thing I have realized is that if you are analyzing a relationship to death it means it's just not right. When you meet the right person, you won't have to spend endless hours figuring out whether this or that thing is OK because it'll just be. . .right. I completely forget about this rule every time I fall head over heels for some wrong-for-me moron, but it's become very easy for me to spot it in my friends.
@The Inspector Damn, this is almost as good as Polly herself! Thanks for sharing.
@Subway Suicide@twitter This has to be a terrible sign about my opinion of men right now, but I was just kind of impressed to see a man putting this much thought into his relationship.
Holy shit, this is timely for me. I just started an amazing new job where I have a lot of freedom and a lot of ideas (one-woman Development department at a nonprofit), and I'm super excited and making lots of plans, but I've also been feeling really nervous as I make all of these plans because of the horrible experience I had taking initiative at my last job. It took me five years there to figure out that we were never going to get out of the cycle of mediocrity we were in because my boss wasn't really interested in any ideas that weren't his (especially if they were from a woman) and was completely incapable of taking constructive feedback. It eventually made me feel like I was a failure and I stopped working hard or caring. Now I've got all these echoes of "you don't work hard enough" and "you're not good enough" that have followed me here, and I'm not sure how I'm going to react if I start hearing "no we won't change that" or seeing lack of action around ideas that coworkers claim to support. This advice has been really helpful and I'd welcome any supplemental advice from the commentariat!
I'm sorry, what? I love you, Polly, but you completely misread this question. She's not mad because the guy won't 'be hers', she's annoyed that he doesn't believe her when she says she's cool with something casual. And being polyamorous doesn't mean you have a 'have your cake and eat it too outlook on life'. That's just condescending; I'm not poly but I respect that other people choose that lifestyle, and in many ways it's more work than being monogamous. This guy sounds like kind of a dick for other reasons, but not because he's poly.
I fucking hate when guys don't believe that you're OK with things being casual. It's condescending and sexist. That's what making her mad, not the fact that she wants a boyfriend.
@Bunburying Also, he took that directly from 30 Rock.
I could really use some extra, concrete advice on how to get to the "being OK with being alone forever" part. Because I really like my life right now, and I like myself and the people around me, and I've finally gotten to the point where I tell tepid men to fuck off the moment they become tepid. . .but when I think about the possibility that I'll never be in another relationship again, I get really, really depressed. I try to envision the life I'll have in the future without a partner, and I guess it's not terrible but I really, really prefer the version where I have one. How to get from point A to point B with this?
@cindylouwho You said you were looking for someone to point out potential red flags, so. . .the fact that this guy makes a habit of being with much-younger women is a red flag. Doesn't have to be the worst thing, but. . .if someone in their 30s is only willing to date people who are in their 20s, it's not a great sign.
@sallysitwell I at least definitely feel like this E guy is a sketchball. Married men who have kissed their wife's friend in the past know that they probably shouldn't Facebook said friend about how sexy they are "to make them feel better about themselves". Polly made it sound like LW1 is nuts for reading into that when it seems pretty clearly sketchy on his part.
I just want Prospect Park to dry out so I can bike off my Hurricane 15. I'm pretty sure all of our bodies were preparing for potential food shortages by telling us to EAT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT. And 'everything in sight' was mostly ice cream sandwiches and pizza.