@paddlepickle Er, Bitter. I mean, I feel Better because of Polly. But you get the idea.
@thegirlieshow "I Feel Better About All My Exes And I Can't Get Over It"
I loved this. I personally feel like I somehow hit the privilege sweet spot-- I was never rich enough that I didn't have to work, and never rich enough to be part of neurotic, competitive excessively wealthy rich-person culture, but privileged enough that I never had to seriously worry about debt or having enough money. In my experience, my friends from hyper-privileged backgrounds have had just as much emotional baggage than people who have had to struggle. It really confirms my vision of socialist utopia where everyone has access to basic needs and education but nobody is insanely wealthy, because that kind of wealth doesn't even seem to be good for the people who have it.
@glasstwizzlestix Personally I just can't imagine wanting to be physical with someone I didn't find physically attractive. I don't have a hard-and-fast definition of what I'm attracted to, and I can start off not attracted and become attracted. . .but the idea of not liking the idea of touching someone's body but doing it anyway feels so gross to me, and I would hate to find out that anybody I was physical with felt that way about me. I would end things the second I did.
@bureaucrab These kinds of guys have happened to me and my friends so often that I've started to wonder if it's a major problem with the way guys are socialized. IE they aren't really given the tools to be in touch with their emotions so they don't know how to appropriately express them. Like, when I say "I really care about you" to someone I have already thought through a million different scenarios and what that means and know that I will mean that for a significant forseeable future. . .whereas I think a lot of the time guys are just like "AH. FEEL FEELING. SAY FEELING RIGHT AWAY" and then have no earthly idea how to deal with it when they have a different feeling a week later.
@pumpkin I've seen this advice on the thread a few times and I'm confused by it. Right now at 27, I find that most men my age are super commitment-phobic, and I have to date guys 30 or above to find anyone remotely interested in a real relationship. When I meet a guy that's 25 I don't even bother. Does something change about this when you hit your 30s?
@rhodan UGH THOSE GUYS. I have learned slowly and painfully that a guy who talks about wanting you to meet his family in the first week is probably going to dump you on your ass a week later, no matter how reassuring he is-- a guy who is actually serious will be in touch with his emotions and rational enough to know it's irresponsible to say things like that before you actually know someone well. I have yet to meet a guy like that, but I hear that's what they're like. Sigh.
@spicytuna I don't know if it's NYC or what, but for me and a lot of my friends this behavior is so common that we're way less nonchalant when a guy treats us with basic respect. "He CALLED on the phone and answers all my texts right away and didn't disappear the second I displayed a feeling! UNICORN!" I am getting much better at kicking them all to the curb till I find the real thing, though.
@Jeff Scull@facebook Actually yeah, that did occur to me-- at least, that's the only scenario I can imagine where a guy would be genuinely unaware that those kinds of comments would hurt someone's feelings.
@Real-ism This doesn't appear to be everyone's best day for understanding subtle distinctions, but I'll give it a shot: None of us are saying that your partner has to constantly shower you with flattery or claim that you are the best and only attractive person they have ever seen. But I don't want anybody touching my body if they aren't enthusiastically attracted to my body. It is possible (and it has happened to me), that people aren't attracted to each other at first but as they fall in love they start to appreciate the other person's unique beauty-- but I really cannot imagine a scenario in which you honestly fully, romantically and sexually, love somebody but think they are not attractive. Shit, I even think all of the friends and family that I love are beautiful people. You can't completely dissociate physical and emotional attraction.