On Ask Polly: I'm 33 And Single. What Am I Doing Wrong?

@carpetblogger Even easier in your 50s. http://i.imgur.com/ZaTjc.gif

Posted on April 3, 2014 at 3:19 pm 1

On Ask Polly: I'm Almost 30 And I'm Terrified Of Losing My Looks

@HelloTitty Dammit. Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBITGyJynfA

Posted on July 18, 2013 at 2:18 pm 0

On The Arguments Of 2012

Drunk Art Professor At Thanksgiving Gathering Of People Who Are Strangers To Me: "Doesn't my wife look like Johnny Cash?"
Me: "Ummm....no."
DAPATGOPWASTM: "She doesn't?"
Me: "No."
DAPATGOPWASTM: "Look closer."
Me: "No."
DAPATGOPWASTM: "Around the eyes and nose?"
Me: "No."

Posted on November 26, 2012 at 2:13 pm 1

On The Bodybuilder's Guide To Getting Rid Of "Computer Back"

A rolled up towel isn't large enough or dense enough. Foam rollers are the way to go: http://probalancept.wordpress.com/2010/03/06/one-minute-massage-treat-your-own-stiff-aching-back-with-the-foam-roller/

Posted on May 16, 2012 at 12:01 pm 0

On In Honor of "Revenge," A Brief History of TV's Off-Screen Hookups

Kaley Cuoco and Johnny Galecki. Too bad it wasn't her and Jim Parsons; those two actually have sexual tension.

Posted on April 19, 2012 at 12:12 pm 0

On Andrew Breitbart Died?

Much more shocked that his father-in-law is Orson Bean than the fact of his death.

Posted on March 1, 2012 at 10:53 am 0

On Sympathy For Jonathan Franzen

@flossy I agree. It takes all the work out of figuring out what his protagonist looks like.

Posted on February 28, 2012 at 3:15 pm 0

On The Only Murdering Murder Guide You'll Ever Need, You Murderer

@Mr. B You're pretty close. I think he lives in Santa Cruz part of the year. Anyone who is familiar with both Franzen and Santa Cruz will find this tidbit to be hilarious.

Posted on January 19, 2012 at 2:37 pm 0

On In Defense Of Prudes

I would tell you I love you Maria, but it would just embarrass us both.

Posted on July 7, 2011 at 2:51 pm 2

On State Slogans: Ranked And Saluted

Wait, I thought Maryland's was "Maryland is for crabs" just to piss all over Virginia? Fucking Virgina. I hate you.

Posted on July 1, 2011 at 3:20 pm 1