Jeff: For the longest time, _________ was regarded as: READ MORE

Jeff: I don’t need Rex Ryan to put the brakes on his cockiness at this point. It’s like he’s already had an orgasm and is now reaching for cigarettes or a remote. READ MORE

Jeff: Matt Hasselbeck’s “free agent status” is rising? People want him? READ MORE

Jeff: I thought of two coaches we haven't talked about nearly enough. Jeff Fisher—who also employs wanton-bounty-finagler Chuck Cecil and whose team has not played since week 9? And then there’s Texans’ coach Gary Kubiak. READ MORE

Jeff: I am ready to talk about anything but the Jets. READ MORE

Jeff: I’m wondering if there could ever be a Danny Woodhead poster hanging on a child’s bedroom wall. READ MORE

You've always wanted to try fantasy football, but you were worried that doing so would make you irresistibly attractive to members of the opposite sex. At work, people knowing you even dabbled in fantasy football would mean you'd be stuck taking regular breaks to accept on-the-spot sexual favors. Or, failing that, you keep meaning to watch the Detroit Lions lose by three scores on Thanksgiving afternoon, but are torn because sitting in a turkey-rank dining room drinking too sweet wine, talking about "life" with friends and family members is equally compelling. READ MORE

David: If losing a football game feels like what Todd Haley looked like while he was scolding Josh McDaniels instead of shaking his hand after last Sunday's Chiefs game, it must really suck. READ MORE

David: Okay. So, we're not actually breaking it, but Wade Phillips has now been fired for all of 15 minutes, I think. I imagine he's attacking a bag of Pillows™ right now. READ MORE

Jeff: Do you think if Carl Paladino had been elected governor one of his first executive acts would have been to force the Buffalo Bills to invade Scotland? "To save New York, we must squash Scotland like a cheap vase underneath the wheels of a 1983 Ford Econoline van. Get on this pontoon boat, boys. We’re going to steal their rum. As long as men in skirts are still putting their lips to pipes, we’re going for it. I’ve drawn it all up on parchment papers and burned the edges. It’s go time, ladies." It’s a real shame that being an extreme asshole didn’t pay off for him, since it seemed to work in the rest of the country, yesterday and throughout history. READ MORE