This is exactly what I would have written. If I actually had the ability to write.
@iantenna close, but s/black suit/navy suit/ and s/windsor/four-in-hand/ and you're there.
Yeah, that happened to me once - returned from a 2-week vacation in Alberta to an $800 phone bill.
On the other hand, it's also how I found out that my ex-wife was a cheating piece of shit, so probably about the same as hiring a private detective.