I notice that among the few weddings I have gone to, the weddings are wonderful. Exciting. Fun even. And if I am there, the bride and groom usually separate within two years. Those friends who invite me to weddings, but then something happens and I don't make it, those couples stay together. I seem to be the kiss of death for a marriage's longevity. So I don't worry about whether I will be invited or not, but whether I will jinx the marriage.
Like the Dali Lama said when asked what a person should do when it is late at night, and there seems to be a bogey man chasing you -- his short and easy answer: "RUN!" I find it interesting that you don't mention what he does for a living. If he is true to type, he probably doesn't do well at jobs, as he can't treat others with any respect more than he shows you. (It is after all, hard to treat people with respect when you' re paranoid that everyone around you is out to get you, by cheating on you, or by getting the promotion you deserve and all that.) Should you stay in the relationship, you will find out that he also creates crisis after crisis. Better to leave now, before you have a lease, or worse than that, a kid or two. Go have fun. Learn to be a killer ping pong player; or learn to play the accordion; take an art class. Have fun. There are not as many heterosexual guys as women out there, so maybe you won't find "Mr Right." But believe me, life is not worth living if you are cemented into a crisis-filled relationship with Mr Wrong.
One of my best memories of my unfettered youth is the night I brought a beau to my parent's house. They insisted on us having separate rooms to sleep in. He said immediately, "So I'd get the couch in your gorgeous family room? The room that is so cozy and inviting?" He said this in an enthused voice, like he had just won a big lottery. Boy, was it fun when he turned up inside my bedroom, where we did as we wanted (quietly of course,) for a few hours till he snuck back downstairs before dawn. I can think of nothing kinkier than the set- up this couple is being offered!
One thing that helps is humor. It doesn't sound like between his saintliness, and her repulsion at his saintliness, that either of these two people are having fun. Role play. It's not hard to start having fun. Youjust have to start doing it. I watch "Cape Fear" with my SO, and he starts calling me "Danny." I mention how occasionally I am still in love with really bad boyfriend Mr X, and he mentions that the guy's penis is a mini. He draws cartoons of his torso with that mini. A very mini, mini penis that needs a microscope to find it. Etc.
Making up absurdities helps a lot. It can extend from past bad boyfriends to current day terrible co workers or evil bosses. Laugh at the world. The first few times you attempt it deliberately, it might be artificial, but humor keeps people together just as much as improving the guy or gal's haircut (Not that haircuts are not important.)
Be patient with yourself. You are young and shouldn't expect yourself to have it all figured out. Polly's advice is excellent. But one other thing: see if you can find a drama group to be in. Many wonderful actors and actresses also deal with shyness. An improv group or community theater would help you meet people and also give that romantic, interior-lit side of you a chance to come out and play. You might need to cast aside the Hollywoodization of your inner critic "But I'm not pretty enough or talented enough." Some of my best times were spent in acting classes, and that might be the case for you too.
Oh and I want to add, that when my son went to college, some 2,000 miles away from me, I received his urgent email. In part, he pointed out that one of his friends had missed out on grant and/or college loan money because they had found out about the monies in the Am, and needed a parent's signature within 24 hours, and sometimes sooner. I realized at once that paying some $ 20 for an autograph stamp was the solution - an inked surface that replicated my signature on any document its owner wished to have my sig added to. Once purchased, I sent the "signature" off to the son at his campus. For the rest of his college experience, he used to beg me to send him a box of my unsigned bank checks.
As a co owner of a small publishing company, finding out about an author's ability to create signatures without having to be in person is most intriguing. And kudos for writing out this account of the history of facsimile machines.
Although smoking is an odious habit, it disgusts me that the American public is allowed to think that avoiding smoking will save them from all their other behaviors. Like spraying Febreeze and Glade and Lysol all around their house. These products contain everything from benzene to formaldehyde and never should be used anywhere near where children are trying to exist. Yet for whatever reason, the purveyors of these products are given a free pass, even as cancer rates for infants and children go sky high. Why!?!
Very entertaining and well done. Thank you for the insight into the LA world of politics and newspapers. I especially enjoyed the light touch as in "Which is to say I was utterly broke."
I guess I am the only woman in America who finds Campion's films less than irresistible. Jane and Michelle makes some very good points, but part of what I dislike about her films is how disjointed they are. I always end up feeling like there is some secret group of people that has the inside scoop - and that those folks know but that I am clueless as to what is going on. Why do I have to work so hard at it? Is that the appeal - that a person has to work at it? Also photograhically the films are so basic. It's one thing if she was just starting out, but she has the funding to make things look much sharper and more compelling, but doesn't bother.