On 52 Funny Things About the Death of the 'New York Press'
R.I.P., New York Press. I've always loved it for its scrappiness and focus on the hyper-local. It's also where I got my start as a writer-for-money (not much money! but some!) and for that I will always be super grateful.
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On In Defense Of Offensive Art
Saying horrible things is not inherently funny. A lot depends on context. For example, when Amanda Palmer sings her song about date rape/abortion (Oasis?) she is clearly trying to juxtapose the horror of rape with the poppy melody and the victim's blase reaction in an effort to deal with something horrible (something that actually HAPPENED to her) via humor. It is different than someone pretending to be into raping bitches and forcing people to dig to figure out they are not in fact that character and then the punchline is...nothing.
It's like this person I used to know who thought it was funny to tell random lies...boring lies that were not funny at all, like, I don't know, "I am moving next month" and then when people believed her, she'd go "HAHAHAHA YOU BELIEVED ME, I WAS ONLY JOKING HAHA SUCKERS." She sincerely thought this was funny. Either she's too Kaufmanian and brilliant for me to comprehend, or she is (as I suspect) an idiot. Same goes with shit like Odd Future. It is not funny just because people say it is, it is boring as shit. It is the equivalent of the author calling that rape hotline just because he knew it was a bad thing to do, or a child saying swears because he knows he will get attention for it. Only instead of ignoring him, as one should, numerous people fawn all over said child going "OMG how transgressive! He's a genius!"
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On World's Longest Cat Lengthy, Feline
Maine Coon cats are fucking monsters. They start out cute and little, and then before you know it they're long as fuck and constantly ravenous for more food so they can grow even fucking longer. My roommates and I witnessed a similar transformation after inheriting one from a friend, who decided to quit while she was ahead. Personality-wise, he's pretty cool for a cat, though.
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On My Superpower Is Being Alone Forever
It's all going to be okay.