@Sharilyn Neidhardt Because looks are fleeting, and are a terribly flimsy foundation for your self esteem. I want to most value in myself the things I most value in others. Believing that your looks are more important than anything else you have to offer is an unhealthy way to live your life.
@Whaa and we love it!
Letter writer here: Just wanted to clarify the "being alone forever" line. Originally the letter started out complimenting the Dear Polly articles, and in many of them she talks about how accepting yourself as one person and not one half of a couple, so I think because that was edited out it made it seem like I think I'm going to be alone forever. I don't think that, but I also want to try and focus on not becoming codependent, so sorry if that was confusing.
To update on the story, I didn't talk to the guy after he bombarded me with "I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND" texts until a week later, mostly because I was still really confused on what this was (in his last texts he made mention that he was still interested in messing around, but I didn't respond because I wasn't sure how I felt about it). I literally texted him "Hey what's up." About 4 hours later he said hello and that he was at the bars. I didn't respond and an hour after that he sent me a bunch of maybe drunk texts that didn't make any sense, which looked like autocorrect had butchered them to hell. Finally, he tells me he's "not allowed to talk to [me] anymore" because it was causing problems in his relationship. So this whole mess is officially over, and I imagine for the better (I never responded).
I do want to thank Polly for her letter. The last few paragraphs finally got me to cry, which is hard for me in general but I desperately needed it and for that I'm very grateful.
Pursuit is a mixed bag. People who pursue me wouldn't know what the fuck to do with me if they caught me. Sometimes pursuit is just bluster, a different sort of mask, till I raise a single eyebrow, give a little smug half-smile, and say, "okay", and just like that, they flee in abject terror.
@jolie the thing that startled me the most and opened my eyes in ways that I didn't think they needed to be further opened is that the poem contains very few details of the assault itself, and usually it's those sorts of details that rules-lawyering rape apologists seize ("oh, you only said no once and then assented by not saying it again," etc.). There was nothing like that in the poem to latch onto other than that she was drunk and he was her boyfriend, which I'd think that even the worst trodgylite wouldn't have the balls to say "there, you just de-raped this situation with this information." But apparently if you genuinely believe that rape as a concept is some vast misandrist conspiracy then all it takes to get people riled up is just someone talking about it as a thing that exists and causes trauma (to someone who isn't a man falsely accused of rape, and rape isn't even a thing so how could anyone be truthfully accused, it just doesn't make sense).
@jolie - Are there any other moderators on the site that can get rid of the filth? Can "report" flags be added to user profiles, so other readers can flag, comments are held and moderators can release or deny? I'd hate to such a beautiful network brought down by hate.
I know Choire is busy being a BOOK AUTHOR PERSON and Alex is busy not giving a fig about any of this or anything at all really, but I am still so confused as to how that comment section even happened. And truly, I want Choire to focus on BOOK AUTHOR PERSON stuff and not the site analytics because woof, but there's no one else to ask this of:
Was the piece linked to someplace insane? Where did those people come from, because obviously that's not at all a normal thing to happen here. Sure, we can pile on with the best of them (D'Addario/Cherette, Bustillos and her pet PUA, Neel Shah, etc.), and of course we get our trolls (MISS U EVERY DAY, JEFF BAREA) but that was unlike ANYTHING I've seen here and I've been here since before the beginning. What gives? I ask because I do actually still care about this site and this community, as absurd and lame as that is, and that display was staggering in its affront to my former home.
By s. on Responses To "Rape Joke"
@96498932@twitter Thank you for reminding us about the real victims here: uncredited internet commenters.
Someone needs to design a CAPTCHA that filters out MRAs