On The Great Hollywood Die-Off
I'm anticipating this to evolve into the finest zombie movie of all time.
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On Steining Is The New Glassing
They'll never catch up with us unless they get back into the raping again and start up some child molestation.
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On Who Runs New York? 'New York' Mag is the New 'New York Observer'
Is this New York day at The Awl? You're hardly pampering your international readership here. And yes, YES, we do like some pampering.
Am I being too needy again?
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On The New Yorker iPad App: Pretty! Expensive!
$5 per week is just... aghast-worthy! It's just proof that we've a long way to go before we're really in the future. Nike need to make power lacing sneakers (Oh, wait...) and Mattel need to make hoverboards.
Then we need to abolish money, have a third world war and start flying about space in spandex.
And hopefully at some point the stabbings in Britain will have reached a fever pitch to turn it into a post-apocalyptic Thunderdome.
And then we need to let the world flood and sail about on triple-hulled catamarans with Kevin Costner.
Then we'll really be in the future.
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On The Self-Abasement of Indy Writers: Is This a Thing?
Absolutely and utterly true. Just yesterday I was talking to an old friend and handed over a copy of one of my books. I'd promised her this book for about two years, and it reached the point now where I'd say things like "It's okay, it needs a rework. In fact I want to rewrite it all."
However, when she asked me about my latest work I had to stand up, pace around the room and make megalomaniacal proclamations about my talents and my wonderful ideas.
I am a dick.
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On TB: The Big Comeback
This incredible sentence sounds like John Fogarty's rueful words before he dissolved his band.
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On Knifecrime Island Medics: "Please, Can We See A Non-Glassing Related Injury?"
Fine. I will admit to owning a facial scar, but it's been tastefully done.
And, look, us British don't listen to the Fucking Doctors anyway. They're free. Free = boring. If we're going to find value in anything, we either need to have acquired it via terrifying feats of brutality with the nearest sharpened object or through spending our faltering currency.
And whilst I'm at it, we don't call it "emergency room". We call it "Accident and Emergency". Sometime's they're the same thing, but mostly it's accidents (falling on your pretty chin, aka my scar) and emergencies (being glassed in the ear, aka my anonymous friend's scar).
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On The Olsen Twins, "Gimme Pizza," The Nightmare Remix
Panic, paranoia, despair weird jumping visuals and evil twins.
It's like that time I tripped on nutmeg, but condensed into a creepy flash video.
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On Is It Fall Yet?
Insomnia comes my way too, leaving me to curse the rum as I roll in the covers, utterly sleepless. But here in London I take the more elegant solution of nipping down the road for a woozy stabbing.
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On January Without Alcohol: Two Thirsty People Explain
My birthday is at the end of January, which is terrific. As is the girl that I'm dating. Also terrific. Not so terrific (on the abstenteeism front) is the fact that millions of the people I know (and the people I know, going by that statement, obviously extends into the [i]multi[/i]millions) have their birthday spotted around that point.
I also live above a bar on a street with many bars on, and am friends with many of the people that work in these bars, so really the only possible way to spend a month without The Drink is rehab and/or jail, and neither entice right now.
I'll be back in a bit, I'm just nipping out for a J&B.