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On Ask Polly: My Mom Keeps Guilting Me About Visiting For Christmas!

As the 30-something queer female partner of a man with a Christian mother who keeps a no-swearing household, I would not be proud of him if he wanted us to spend Christmas at her house in separate bedrooms. I would be really annoyed.

Posted on December 18, 2013 at 3:46 pm 4

On There's Something About Kerry

Can you do Cheryl Cole? And Nancy Dell'Olio? I have so many things I want to understand.

Posted on September 12, 2011 at 5:56 pm 0

On There's Something About Kerry

I love this. Please let it be a regular thing that lives a long, long time, till every WAG and every ex-member of Steps has been explained to us all.

Posted on September 12, 2011 at 5:41 pm 3

On No One Knows How to Get to JFK from Williamsburg (OR DO THEY?)

@brent_cox Bonus: on the Conduit route lives the city's saddest horse, in a paddock just off an on-ramp. Wave hi to him!

Posted on July 14, 2011 at 8:46 am 0

On Rat-Infested Park Provides Vision Of New York's Future

@bookish It was filled with the rotting bodies of their relatives!

Posted on July 29, 2010 at 10:30 am 0

On Rat-Infested Park Provides Vision Of New York's Future

Collect Pond was a dumping ground for the tanneries in the early years of the city, and then they filled it in, poorly, and tried to build the 19th C version of Luxury Condos on top of it. That didn't work out because the swamp gas from the decaying horses beneath the landfill kept burbling out. The neighborhood quickly went to seed. They re-filled it in later, and better, but it's still kind of eerily humid and rat-filled down there. Convenient place to eat your roast duck on rice during jury duty, though!

Posted on July 29, 2010 at 9:51 am 0

On Notion Of "Haute Stoner Cuisine" Brings Back Unappetizing Memories

Alternate explanation: the texture of the neon sugar coating of a Peep has a bad, almost tin-foilish teethfeel. I can easily imagine being high and feeling that in my mouth and thinking I had accidentally ingested glitter and starting to panic. I can also imagine being high on different drugs and accidentally ingesting glitter and laughing and laughing, but there would be no peanut butter involved.

Posted on May 19, 2010 at 2:49 pm 0

On Balls Balls Balls

Ed Balls's candidacy for leader was at its most thrilling during that brief shimmering afternoon when a Lib/Lab coalition seemed possible. If our cousins on Knifecrime Island were to have a government made up of a smiling progressive cooperative headed by a Prime Minister Balls they really would be the greatest nation on earth.

Posted on May 19, 2010 at 9:59 am 0

On Half Baked: Lemon Squares

Just not on the melty side of room temp! Because that will make things harder on you again, because everything will stick to you, and no amount of wiping will make it like the pan better than it likes you, and you'll wind up with butter and crumbs all over your face and your clothes and your wine-with-ice glass, which you'll stare into, mourning your dignity.

Posted on May 14, 2010 at 7:33 pm 0

On Lesser Known Members of Black Sabbath

Ian Gillan hit on me in a crummy bar on the Upper West Side in 2005. I don't get hit on much, so it was weird to begin with. I thought at the time that "I'm the lead singer of Deep Purple" was just a really poor chat-up line. Googled him the next day and it was actually him, though.

Posted on May 13, 2010 at 4:09 pm 0