I wasn't terribly impressed with the "I almost threw caution to the wind and had a weekend fling once but then everybody told me it was slutty so I didn't do it THANK GOD I NARROWLY AVOIDED SLUTTINESS" anecdote she related to LW1. Maybe it's just me, but it didn't seem to have much to do with the LW's actual question. And also, you know, slut-shaming.
Gay guy here in a somewhat open relationship. My two cents: Perfect advice, Polly, and so smart to combine these two letters. Both stress honest communication between partners--and the cold reality that relationships require work and compromise.
When in my 20s, I couldn't have handled an open relationship. Too wrapped up in ideas of the perfect man who I would satisfy forever--why would either of us even notice another man!!! Fairy tale stuff. I had several monogamous relationships then, but we always broke up after about a year. Now in my 40s, I have a better idea of what's important in a relationship and how to communicate it. I've learned that sexual attraction to your partner ebbs and flows. That's natural. The question is, how do you both deal with that? What do you do if one of you is more sexual than the other (as will happen from time to time).
The whole cruising and hooking up thing can be a real boost to the testosterone, self-confidence and the relationship. But you also have to navigate insecurities and jealousies and trust issues. If you can do it, you'll be stronger for it.
But each couple has to work out the fine print of the open relationship. (For me and my man, it's no exchanging numbers or dating the trick, no Grindr, no sex in our house, and the trysts only happen a few times a year, etc.) The rules may change over time. Couples should discuss this regularly.
If, like these guys in their 20s, you find that actually you're not that compatible, then you can break up and move on with dignity and respect (and yes, some tears).
But seriously, I don't think any 20something gay guys should aim for lifelong monogamous relationships at that stage. Especially with a 9-year age gap in the partners. And living in a large urban area. No sir. And if you make absolute monogamy the linchpin of your relationship, you're setting yourself up for failure.
@Olivia2.0 My guess is that it's because this asshole couldn't actually remember their names.
@daysgoby Better than owing some people a lot of amounts of money.
"Samuels and Newhouse now live together, which doesn’t really matter but seems weird to not mention."
Disagree, given that a lot of getting ahead in media is about forging relationships (as one of your sources says in her own meta-piece on the writing world that got published today), and this speaks to a certain amount of clubbiness being in place.
I also think it's worth picking apart the subjects that are worthy of being paid for. Your specialties seem to be sports and tech (but not women, this time), which are sort of, pardon the expression, dude-centric verticals. What are the pay rates like for subjects that fall outside of those purviews? The discussion about women's media not being taken seriously would probably be further illuminated by putting rates for pieces about "women's subjects" (GIANT COUGH) side by side with what you've earned.
@Danzig! It's still there.
@Danzig! I thought we had agreed to go with jfruh?
Still not as good as the season-20 aside about Arthur Branch moving on from being DA of New York County to chief judge on a chintzy reality show.
@Danzig! Either way he would've found a way to write about how un-prude his sex life is.