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Joe Berkowitz

Joe Berkowitz

Most Recently: Every Sylvester Stallone Character Name That Is a Noun or Verb

Joe Berkowitz is an assistant editor and freelance writer living in New York City. His chi can be channeled here, and also here.

Every Sylvester Stallone Character Name That Is a Noun or Verb

17. Jack Carter
16. Robert Hatch
15. Henry "Razor" Sharp
14. Kit Latura
13. Stud
12. Robert Rath
11. Rocky Balboa
10. Joseph Dredd
09. Gabe Walker
08. John Spartan
07. Jerry Savage
06. Ray Tango
05. Weaver
04. Cosmo Carboni
03. Lincoln Hawk
02. Angelo "Snaps" Provolone*
01. Ray Quick READ MORE

Which Kind Of Annoying Contrarian Are You?

Yesterday morning, Armond White was removed from the New York Film Critics Circle. He got the boot because last week, at their annual awards, he heckled Twelve Years A Slave director Steve McQueen, mid-acceptance speech, loud enough for much of the room to hear. (White absolutely denies this heckling and the quotations attributed to him; other accounts of his group's behavior included someone from their party yelling "fuck you" repeatedly and carrying on throughout.) READ MORE

The Couple Who Marcel The Shell's Together

Life can get pretty boring sometimes. There’s simply no avoiding it. The best any of us can hope for is to find an ally in the battle against boredom and stick to him or her like glue. Lots of couples do silly things to amuse and distract each other, though rarely do such inside jokes end up actually amusing anyone else. But over the past year, Jenny Slate and Dean Fleischer-Camp have watched as their little pastime project blossomed into a bona fide phenomenon. READ MORE

What Kind Of ‘I Don’t Own A TV’ People Do You Have In Your Life?

You know the tone people employ when announcing that they don’t own a TV. Casually tossed off, yet firmly resolute; it’s the same tone that might be used to dispel any other unflattering misrepresentation (e.g., “Oh, I don’t have syphilis.”). The funny thing is that nobody ever actually asks the question, “Do you own a TV?” READ MORE

How To End A Conversation

We live in a social hellscape littered with talking heads, salesmen at the quota crisis point and acquaintances whose names we can't remember. We recognize that the exchange of pleasantries must be endured for the world to work, and most of these conversations are well-rehearsed dances—routines that get the job done. But all too many others play out like cringe-inducing conga lines. Oh, the awkwardness! And then the ennui! Dealing with other people can make each day feel like a Double Dare-style obstacle course (look it up, youngs!), with a grand prize of merely not going to jail for assault at the end of it. READ MORE

Mrs. Show: The Women Behind a Comedy Classic

Anyone who took the “Mr. Show Boys Club” sketch at face value might be tempted to skype Gloria Steinem immediately after watching it. The scene opens with the male cast members lounging in silk robes and cravats, brandishing martinis. They’re surrounded by scantily clad young ladies who are identified as The Mr. Show Objects. Soon a female cast member emerges wearing sparkly short-shorts, a tank top that reads “OBJECT”, and a tiny barrel of brandy around her neck like a storybook St. Bernard. When she accuses the show’s two main stars of running a “boys club,” they respond in the most literal way possible, with footage revealing how Mr. Show Boys Clubs have been shaping the lives of young boys and girls for years. Only when we see a montage of these clubs in action, a group of little boys is shown learning how to dance (with cardboard cutouts for partners), while their female counterparts are seated off to the side. READ MORE

A Seriously Comprehensive Guide to Comedy Podcasts

It’s official: there are now more essential comedy podcasts than there are hours in the day. We’re fully outnumbered, people. It would be an impossible, Icarus-like ambition to listen to them all and still function as a human adult person. Don’t even try — it’s not worth throwing your life away. Perhaps some of you haven’t listened to any podcasts yet, though, and merely clicked on this link to find out what your nerdy co-worker won’t shut up about. These jaded ears envy your innocence and adventurous spirit. I initially wrote the Fairly Comprehensive Guide to Comedy Podcasts, then spent the next few months digging in deep to a different comedy podcast each week. This is the result of that endeavor. You might not realize it but right now you’re like Jake Sully, newly arrived on the planet Pandora — except instead of virtual space-legs, you’re about to receive a hard drive filled with comedians talking about funny stuff. READ MORE

Halloween: It's Doomsday for New Couples

Celebrating Halloween is like going to the opera: some people hate it, some love it, some people hate it but pretend to love it, and everybody’s dressed like an Italian swashbuckler. Halloween and the opera are also alike in that they’re both journeys that couples seldom embark upon separately. (Who spends girl's night out savoring the libretto in Don Giovanni?) The couples who enjoy Halloween tend to do so because it’s a chance to show off bilateral creativity while hanging with friends and maybe getting wrecked. At this very moment, legions of couples are anticipating this coming weekend with greater fervor than the Snickers-craving rugrats for whom the holiday ostensibly exists. The ones who’ve been together long enough to have sifted through and itemized each other’s garbagey baggage are probably in for a killer time. With a new relationship, though, it’s a different story. When couples are still finding their footing, neither person really knows who the other one is. If you’ve only started dating recently, Halloween is the moment when the masks come off. Boo. READ MORE

79 Recording Artists Named After Things That Can Kill You

1. Mastodon READ MORE

What I Learned From Watching 180 Deodorant Commercials

People have been wondering for a long time what comes after anti-marketing marketing. When commercials began to target the people who hated commercials-these attempts were almost indistinguishable from SNL spoofs-it seemed like we'd reached the final frontier. Then there were stealth viral vids and customized social media ads straight out of Minority Report. But it wasn't until this week that somebody finally put it all together. I won't insult the effectiveness of this campaign by pretending you don't know what I'm talking about. READ MORE