Really thoughtful longread. THANK YOU.
Other lingering questions:
How much coffee is too much coffee?
Why serve red wine at an all-white dinner?
Why can't they scan my laptop inside my bag?
"Embrace the Cryface" FTW. Please make bumper stickers.
wait ..... this wasn't just a weird dream I had?
I remember feeling this way in my early 20s, I'm sure it's something a lot of young women can relate to. However, as I became more sure of myself and my desires as an independent woman in the world, my desire for interactions that included sex increased. I guess my point is that desire and ideas about sex can ebb and flow for one person over a lifetime (particularly women, whose lives are more at the mercy of various chemical interactions) and that's totally normal and okay. We don't have to live in a dichotomy of horndog vs. prude.
@allyzay I'm not reading emotional abuse here. Maybe immaturity? Some codependence possibly? But emotional abuse seems a bridge too far.
@Pandemic Endemic Keep in mind that you may be one of only a few adults those kids encounter who isn't a religious zealot, and you can model a different mode of being for them. If you want to!
Dear LW; I HAVE SO BEEN THERE. In my 30s, I mostly didn't go home for the festivities. But now in my 40s I'm sorry that I didn't. Sure I hate the bible-thumping, judgement, schmaltz and forced cheer. It's completely awful! But visiting the family homestead is like going on a hero's journey, and your reward for "going through the motions" is actually knowledge about yourself. There's a level at which shunning your parents is shunning an important part of yourself. SO if you can't go through with it out of love for your mother (which: no judgment - I've been there!), then do it in the interest of self-betterment. Like going to the gym, except an emotional exercise.
FWIW - I found the whole mishegoss a lot easier to deal with sober, but your mileage may vary.
Hugging is for Californians. Get a grip, New Yorkers! Pressing your torso to someone you've never seen naked is for hippies.
and the New York Post is ON IT