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On Senator: Jobless Layabouts Must Pee In Cup If They Want Government Handouts

I won't pee in a cup, but I'll piss in his face (while making him say,"Ice me, bro!").

Posted on June 16, 2010 at 8:13 pm 0

On BP Literally A Lightning Rod

It's not nice to fool with Mother Nature.

Posted on June 15, 2010 at 4:03 pm 0

On Sarah Palin Wants To Get Her Photo Taken With This Margaret Thatcher Lady

I love how her hair gets bigger and bigger as she shrinks down into nothingness like the wicked witch she is.

The Iron Lady has turned to rust.

Posted on June 14, 2010 at 11:12 pm 0

On Help Me, For I Have Pine Mouth!

Well, some of us Poors live where pine nuts literally grow on trees and every couple years we go out and harvest pure 100% American pine nuts. Pine mouth? Never heard of it.

My advice is to stop buying those cadmium/melamine/lead-tainted Chinese nuts.

Posted on June 11, 2010 at 6:59 pm 0

On Help Me, For I Have Pine Mouth!

Actually, some of us Poors live where pine nuts literally grow on trees. And every couple of years we go out and literally harvest these pure 100% American pine nuts. Pine mouth? Never heard of it.

My advice: stay away from those cadmium/melamine/lead-tainted Chinese pine nuts.

Posted on June 11, 2010 at 6:49 pm 0

On Karl Rove Horrified, Ashamed

In order to feel such emotions as horror or shame, Mr. Rove would have to evolve from the mineral kingdom into the vegetable kingdom.

Barring such a miracle, he will continue to feel and exhibit as much emotion as gravel on a country road.

Posted on June 11, 2010 at 4:57 pm 0

On Denver International Airport Forcing Passengers To Confront Impermanence Of Existence

If DIA suddenly lifted up into the sky and sped off, I would not be in the least surprised.

Posted on June 5, 2010 at 8:16 pm 0

On Horror Chick: The Awfulness of "Splice" Cannot Be Solved by Adrien Brody and Monster Sex

I'm going to "ice" the two of them for this--- and it ain't going to be pretty. Take a knee.

Posted on June 4, 2010 at 8:38 pm 0

On Cats Will Make Us All Nuts

You know in horror movies who ends up watching while everyone goes crazy. Uh-huh.

Posted on June 3, 2010 at 6:04 pm 0

On Jersey Mayhem: Image-Conscious Chihuahuas Escape Embarrassing Car

Chihuahuas wouldn't be caught dead in Monmouth County, let alone a green hoople-mobile.

Just the thought of Asbury Park makes them scratch furiously at the door.

Posted on June 3, 2010 at 6:00 pm 0