On BP Literally A Lightning Rod
It's not nice to fool with Mother Nature.
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On Sarah Palin Wants To Get Her Photo Taken With This Margaret Thatcher Lady
I love how her hair gets bigger and bigger as she shrinks down into nothingness like the wicked witch she is.
The Iron Lady has turned to rust.
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On Help Me, For I Have Pine Mouth!
Well, some of us Poors live where pine nuts literally grow on trees and every couple years we go out and harvest pure 100% American pine nuts. Pine mouth? Never heard of it.
My advice is to stop buying those cadmium/melamine/lead-tainted Chinese nuts.
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On Help Me, For I Have Pine Mouth!
Actually, some of us Poors live where pine nuts literally grow on trees. And every couple of years we go out and literally harvest these pure 100% American pine nuts. Pine mouth? Never heard of it.
My advice: stay away from those cadmium/melamine/lead-tainted Chinese pine nuts.
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On Karl Rove Horrified, Ashamed
In order to feel such emotions as horror or shame, Mr. Rove would have to evolve from the mineral kingdom into the vegetable kingdom.
Barring such a miracle, he will continue to feel and exhibit as much emotion as gravel on a country road.
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On Denver International Airport Forcing Passengers To Confront Impermanence Of Existence
If DIA suddenly lifted up into the sky and sped off, I would not be in the least surprised.
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On Horror Chick: The Awfulness of "Splice" Cannot Be Solved by Adrien Brody and Monster Sex
I'm going to "ice" the two of them for this--- and it ain't going to be pretty. Take a knee.
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On Cats Will Make Us All Nuts
You know in horror movies who ends up watching while everyone goes crazy. Uh-huh.
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On Jersey Mayhem: Image-Conscious Chihuahuas Escape Embarrassing Car
Chihuahuas wouldn't be caught dead in Monmouth County, let alone a green hoople-mobile.
Just the thought of Asbury Park makes them scratch furiously at the door.
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On Senator: Jobless Layabouts Must Pee In Cup If They Want Government Handouts
I won't pee in a cup, but I'll piss in his face (while making him say,"Ice me, bro!").