Quantcast
 
Charlie

Charlie

Most Recently: Chocolate Chip: It Blows That Black People Aren't Invisible Any More

Charlie is the pen name of a woman in New York City who does not want to be your black friend.

Chocolate Chip: It Blows That Black People Aren't Invisible Any More

Dear Black Diary, READ MORE

Chocolate Chip: Aren't You Tired of Being the White Man's Bitch?

Perhaps Ieshuh Griffin didn't know any better when she attempted to use "NOT the whiteman's bitch" to describe herself on the ballot in Wisconsin. She was called to task by, uh duh, six old white men, retired judges who serve on Wisconsin's Accountability Board in charge of regulating elections. Three of them said (in so many words), "We don't want you to be our bitch anyway, ho" and two of them said, "Not so fast, Beloved." Griffin needed four of the former in order to get the language on the ballot so she could become a state assemblymember. As one of the judges was absent, her name will appear on the ballot without her snappy slogan. The board, under "staff recommendation," told Griffin her word choice was pejorative, which, along with the profane, discriminatory and obscene, is not allowed. Concerned FoxNews.com commenter George W wanted to know, "Why would anyone in any state actually allow a hooker to run for any position of power." READ MORE

Chocolate Chip: I Was Not A Rap Video Ho

SEEKING: "ethnically ambiguous" women with "regal faces" who "must be comfortable with artistic nudity" for an "Egyptian themed," Helmut Newton-esque (read: drop them draws, Nefertitty!) "artistic video promo." I received this invite on Facebook and thought to myself, "easy money? I'M THERE." Then it occurred to me that I hate videos with half naked women posing next to rap stars who lip-sync songs about bitches and hos while blithely holding a bottle of Cristal in one hand and money in the other. Newton inspired or not, the image of a black woman standing next to a be-blinged rapper conjures stereotypes I'd rather not perpetuate. QUERY: Could this be one of the reasons why I find the idea of dating black men so unappealing? Has the doctrine of "big pimpin'" and the gospel of R. Kelly ruined my chances with (li'l) Romeo? READ MORE

Chocolate Chip: Tangled Up In Jews

Several lines from Michael Chabon's intensely critical op-ed piece "Chosen, but Not Special" in last week's Sunday Times stopped me dead in my tracks: "Jews are stupid in roughly the same proportion as all the world's people... A stupid Jew is like a hole in the pocket of your pants, there every time you put them on, always forgotten until the instant your quarters run clattering across the floor." Say what? Jews? STOOPID? I guess it kind of sucks to be Jewish right now, what with THIS and THIS-and now Chabon, too? But I remember when it was so cool to have a smart, rich Jewish friend (especially the rare Persian breed with a posh pad in Beverley Hills). I remember the day when having Jewish friends meant you had some kind of smart, get-out-of-dumbass-land-free card. Like, you could say, "oh, IIIII don't know about THAT, but my Jewish friend thinks THIS" and everyone would ooh and ahh because, Jewish! Now that's brains! READ MORE

Chocolate Chip: You Black Holes Better Watch Your Back

Oh my Gawd. They did it again! The fucking N.A.A.C.P., ruining everything for us normal, un-advanced blacks that just want to live out our lives in relative obscurity and maybe even blend in occasionally (THERE. I SAID IT). Here it is: Barry's getting all kinds of shit because he's an automaton and his operating system won't allow him to show any anger/woefulness/sympathy regarding the BP oil spill (which is making all animals black), so the organized blacks are trying to raise the attention of the negative WHITE media. With what, you ask? A Hallmark card, natch! READ MORE

Domestic Violence: Not Just For Straights Anymore (Still)

An unlikely couple in California is writing the next chapter of the LGBT marriage movement. Clay M. Greene, 78, and his partner Harold Scull, deceased, are at the center of a legal battle gaining national attention. Two months ago Greene filed a civil action lawsuit against Sonoma County for placing him and his partner in separate nursing homes after Scull suffered injuries from a fall at the couple's home in April 2008. The County claims the decision, which resulted in the auctioning of Greene and Scull's possessions, as well as two homeless kitties, was in response to domestic violence charges against Greene reported by Scull during his hospitalization. Greene's lawsuit charges the county with willful neglect of legal documents naming Scull and Greene as each others estate executors. Of course, the legal recognition of same-sex couples in California is nebulous at best. Activists are using Greene's case to help galvanize support for same-sex marriage. READ MORE

Chocolate Chip: Free Your Hair and Your Scalp Will Follow

"I don't want no baldheaded woman, it'll make me mean, yeah Lord, it would make me mean." The great American songwriter Shel Talmy penned these words, among many others, for the Who and the Kinks, and I've been thinking about them a lot recently. Well, what if she should looked like this? Then would you validate her existence by banging her? READ MORE

Chocolate Chip: Think Like A White Person, Get Married Like a White Person

Panic mode! The injustice of this world keeps thickening like giblet gravy. The Internets have been abuzz for ages with the most recent setback for the black woman (me) and it's pretty much sending devastating shockwaves throughout my brains. Here's the scoop: Black women, the more edumacationed you are, the less likely it is for you to get maaaaaaa-wied! Even though I am a goddamn-right-don't-fucking-touch-me-unless-I-say-so-my-body-is-not-an-object-for-displaced-male-on-male-fantasies-to-be-realized-through-the-occasional-ass-fuck feminist, this is like really, reeeeeeally freaking me out. READ MORE

Chocolate Chip: Tyler Perry Just Keeps On Presenting

If you're white and/or Jewish like Hollywood, I'm sure you've been scratching your head recently thinking: "Jeepers! If the smarty blacks don't like Tyler Perry eeeeither, how have his movies managed to gross hundreds of millions of dollars? I daresay IIIIIII haven't seen one of them." Well crackers, The Tyler Perry Effect is REAL. Oprah, get to steppin'! There's another full-size black media mogul with big titties ready to take your place. READ MORE

Chocolate Chip: If Whites are the New Blacks, Then Why Am I Doing this White Guy?

Spring is here-so it's time to get that business waxed and get them rocks off. It's the only time of year when I don't feel creepy about being horny 24 hours a day. That said, I want something to be different this year. I want something fresh and new. Don't get me wrong, I stay randy, but when it comes to the men I sleep with, I'm consistently pretty dull. White dude after white dude after white dude after white dude. This is a good thing, in one way, because we all know: most interracial couples are doomed from the beginning. READ MORE