What Writing Programs Ought To Teach You When They Teach You About Writing

American Student Loan Debt Delinquencies has overtaken American Credit Card Debt for the first time on the spectrum of Debts. Students pay more to go to college and graduate school and get less from their buck than ever before. And now you can’t even pay it back! You used to get a job, now you get a ham sandwich, maybe. It's not necessarily the fault of colleges and universities. They have to make big bucks to keep all that marble buffed and ivy trimmed. I'd much rather blame the heads of departments. The myth was once that if you got a Liberal Arts education in some worthless degree field you'd still be able to get a job in some worthwhile career field later. It would just be like a joke you told at staff Christmas parties: "Doug, tell us again how you majored in Beatnik Studies at the University of Lipstick on Allen Ginsberg's Ass!" READ MORE

4 Fill-In-The-Blank Poems For You To Steal This Valentine's Day

It's not too late! Valentine's Day can be salvaged, you procrastinators! Duane Reade may be wiped out of everything except Strawberry-flavored Three Musketeer bars (Ew. And then also Yum. And then back to Ew.) I may think that love is an illusion. And that Valentine's Day is not actually about love, it's about out-loving everybody else with the perfection of your relationship's love. When your relationship probably needs some work, like everybody else's. But that's no reason for you to get jacked up by your sweetie for screwing up Valentine's Day (possibly again?). I'm your poetry pal. And poetry is only useful culturally when you want to get laid or when you have to bury your grandmother. And at the very last minute, when all other options have faded from view. Like a Carnival cruise line boat spinning out of control in the Gulf of Mexico. Don't let your Valentine's Day stink of unflushable toilets! READ MORE

An Epic Poem Pick For The Super Bowl

And so concludes this season of poetic football picks. READ MORE

Smart, Sportsy Things For You To Say During Super Bowl XLVII

Sports nerds shouldn't be the only ones who get to say smart-sounding sports stuff during this weekend's big game. So here once again to provide you with some Super Bowl small talk is Jim Behrle, Awl football picks haiku-ist. Just for you, he's assembled these highly proprietary pieces of wisdom gained from a life lived in his mom's basement, playing Madden all day. Enjoy! READ MORE

NFL Championship Villanelle Picks

January 20, San Francisco -4 at Atlanta


No one thinks the Falcons are good enough,


NFL Playoff Sonnet Picks

Saturday, January 12

At Denver -9.5 Baltimore

We all know that Ray Lewis can still dance.


Football Pick Haikus For Week 16

Saturday, December 22

Atlanta -3.5 At Detroit

Detroit really needs


Football Pick Haikus For Week 15

Thursday, December 13

Cincinnati -4.5 At Philadelphia

Bengals have taken


Football Pick Haikus For Week 14

Thursday, December 6

Denver -10 At Oakland

Peyton Manning will


Football Pick Haikus For Week 13

Thursday, November 29

At Atlanta -3.5 New Orleans

Actual great game