I'm just like all of you, only more so.

On A Mayor, Unworthy

He should Crossfit, because then he'd Crossfit, Crossfittily. It'll be Crossifttastic. Also, paleo.

Posted on June 5, 2014 at 4:32 pm 0

On The Bros Who Inherited the Earth

Well said! I laid out pretty much the same dilevian vision in my book on how to succeed as an internet entrepreneur, Hugging It.

Posted on May 29, 2014 at 1:56 pm 0

On I Write These Stupid Words: Weezer's Normcore Revolution

Except everything you praise Weezer for from music to lyrics to schlubhood was just a slightly more accessible riff on Pavement, not that I'm not stealing that line of argument from a Gerard Cosloy rant circa 1998.

Also, Sadie Doyle would like to have 9000 words with you.

Posted on May 9, 2014 at 9:04 pm 0

On This Is Catsploitation

Do you have some weird radar for medical students, or were there just a ridiculous number of them in attendance?

Posted on April 24, 2014 at 3:12 pm 0

On Small Awl Old

Imagine the inspiration were archaeologists to unearth a tarnished newsletter.

Posted on April 15, 2014 at 3:47 pm 5

On The End Of Comments


Posted on April 15, 2014 at 1:43 pm 0

On Mean Dead Guy App Says You Don't Write Well

44 of 44 sentences were about The Real World. Aim for a gazelle or large carnivore.

Posted on February 12, 2014 at 4:09 pm 2

On Hot New App Already Filled With Garbage

Any girls wanna smoke. 34m San Francisco.

Posted on February 5, 2014 at 1:56 pm 0

On Moby Lonely, Warm

What with the megadrought, it sounds like Alex's frozen corpse and Moby's desiccated one can have a tits-up tete-a-tete.

Posted on February 4, 2014 at 12:49 pm 0

On What If These TED Talks Were Horribly, Unspeakably Wrong?

Can we take a moment to talk about the headset mics? Because I totally remember watching Eric Kandel speak and thinking, "If only he were more like Janet Jackson."

Posted on January 17, 2014 at 3:17 pm 1