I'm just like all of you, only more so.

On No We Are Not Joking About The Great Mind-Wasting Horror That Is The DMV

@Myrtle Mom, it's my kidney and I'll give it to whomever I like. Gawd.

Posted on December 11, 2013 at 3:05 pm 0

On You Won't Believe Whose Feelings Are Getting Hurt Now

It sounds pejorative because it's supposed to be pejorative. We use it because "asshole" is too general, encompassing as it does techies and Willie Brown.

AND ALSO! Just when you've think they've got to be, at the very least, smart enough not to equate "techie" with a racial slur...

Posted on December 4, 2013 at 2:55 pm 0

On The 12 Biggest Mistakes You Can Make On Medium

@hockeymom Try being the Tom Ford of cheese instead.

Posted on November 6, 2013 at 5:55 pm 0


And Artichoke is a place where a poor twentysomething with $40 in his pocket can, if not eat like a king, develop coronary plaques of a certain regal sheen.

Posted on November 4, 2013 at 1:26 pm 0

On What Does Your Coffee Say About You? And... Is It Something Terrible?

You're overlooking one other important difference between coffee and almost everything else on the market: it's addictive. If you're a regular suckler at the caffeinated bean-teat, you need it in the morning or you will beat someone to death.

This fact alone means I will not get fancy coffee. I am addicted, you got me, you don't get rewards for your cleverness with undertones and your meticulous hand-chalking. If I can't go to a bodega (fucking California and it's weird laws against behind-the-counter coffee pots) I'll go to 7-11. I will not sing the praises of Philz/Blue Bottle any more than I will go track down a Zeta and tip him for his dedication to craft.

Posted on October 29, 2013 at 7:53 pm 0

On No Alternative... TO DEATH

Whoa. It's not called "Verse Chorus Verse"? Does even the very fact that I don't know that mean I'm old?

Posted on October 29, 2013 at 7:50 pm 0

On Even The Font Usage On The Crowd-Sourced Artisanal Hipster Trading Boat Will Annoy You

Because if Vermonters are excited to receive anything, it's mock-rustic goods from New York City.

Posted on October 25, 2013 at 7:38 pm 0

On Woman Who Used To Be Little Girl Does Sexy Dance, Says Sexy Thing

Guys, can someone please check on Matt?

Posted on October 8, 2013 at 2:01 pm 0

On What Happened: Lorde, "SNL," The Shutdown, A Facebook Status, This Charming Backpack

And Joe MacLeod walks in, hitches up his belt, and says, "There isn't room for the both of us." Only he takes 1200 words to say it, and the belt is actually an otter or some shit.

Posted on October 4, 2013 at 4:19 pm 0

On Great Good Fine Ok, "You're The One For Me"

If they make me 299 more videos, maybe I'll take the plunge and buy their album.

Posted on October 1, 2013 at 5:31 pm 0