Carb City

If you are doing one of those low-carb diets you might want to stay away from the papers today, because it is bread all the way down to the guts.

Maybe The Thing About God's Son Having A Wife Is Untrue

"The authenticity of the 'Gospel of Jesus's Wife' has been debated since the papyrus was revealed in 2012. Now, new information uncovered by Live Science raises doubts about the origins of the scrap of papyrus."

Scarface, "No Problem"

"This shit is tough as hell," assesses Eskay of NahRight, and once again I can see no reason to disagree with his judgment. Enjoy.

The Smell Of Spring

I have given careful consideration to the idea that by even bringing this subject up I might be jinxing things, but after thinking through all the potential ramifications and consulting the relevant meteorological charts I feel safe in suggesting that after a winter without end we may have finally and irrevocably entered the season we dared only dream of during the ceaseless reign of snow and cold. That's right, it is probably Spring for real now. Which explains why everything smells like jizz and your head is filled with bad words. Congratulations! We made it! See you in a couple of weeks when we're all bitching about how hot it is.

Maybe You Suck Because You're Too Sad To Be Happy

"Several large research studies conducted over the past few years show that a person's personality naturally changes over the course of adulthood, in response to life events such as entering a committed relationship or advancing in a career. From the ages of 20 to 65, people report increases in positive traits, such as conscientiousness, and decreases in negative traits, such as neuroticism. Most people tend to become more agreeable, more responsible, more emotionally stable—in other words, their personalities improve. Psychologists call it the Maturity Principle. Researchers have also long known that friendly, outgoing, responsible people tend to be happier than shy, irresponsible, unsociable people. But in a new twist with lots of ramifications for therapists, researchers have learned that being happy to begin with may help change your personality." READ MORE

Just Drink Liquid Alcohol And Shut Up

Have you heard about the powdered alcohol thing that the "Alcohol, Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau has approved... for sale and distribution"? Would you like to know more? You would? Hahaha, you fell right into my trap. If you are actually interested in powdered alcohol you are clearly some sort of teen or pre-teen, because no one with any level of maturity or taste would have even a cursory interest in something as gross and vile and juvenile as powdered alcohol. You are way too young to be reading this site. Come back in a few years when you have developed some character and a taste for bourbon.

Jamie xx, "Girl"

This song syncs up pretty perfectly with the gloom we've got going on outside this morning, but if you happen to be somewhere that the gloom isn't I feel like this song also syncs up pretty perfectly with a certain class of drug, so try to get your hands on those and you will find it equally appropriate for your mood.

If No One Is Around To See A Big Bang Did It Really Happen?

"[W]hile some Americans balk at knowing what they prefer to think is unknowable, they embrace science when it relates to their bodies and their health. Jorge Delarosa, a 39-year-old architect from Bridgewater, N.J., pointed to a warm 2012 without a winter and said, 'I feel the change. There must be a reason.' But he questions the Big Bang theory because 'I wasn’t there.'"

Terrible Places Filling Up With Terrible People

"Brownstone Brooklyn is being overtaken by affluent out-of-towners," while Greenpoint is "the country’s most awesome place for young people" to live. I hope you're all proud of yourselves.

Scenes From The Lime Crisis

March 29: "As a result of high prices and rampant lawlessness in some Mexican regions, criminals who may be linked to drug gangs are plundering fruit from groves and hijacking trucks being used for export... While it is ironic that the current lime crisis may in some part be blowback from our own drug policies, it is crucial to remember that a few months of inconvenience to American margarita lovers is trifling compared with the anguish of Mexicans whose livelihoods and lives have been destroyed." READ MORE