On Rihanna, "S&M"

Ah-ha, so you've noticed that all three of those songs (plus "Only Girl In The World," which starts with "La la la la") are produced and partly written by the same production team: StarGate, from Sweden. They also produced Ne-Yo's "So Sick," Beyonce's "Irreplaceable," and many other songs that relied on suspiciously-similar acoustic guitar / piano backing tracks, before switching gears to suspiciously-similar programmed dance tracks. So, uh, there are only a couple tools in their toolbox. But they're awesome tools nonetheless!

Also, to be fair, pretty much ALL major pop hits have a "na na" / "oh oh" / "la la" bit these days. It's the hook du jour.

Posted on February 1, 2011 at 1:47 pm 0

On If Everyone Wants Micropayment So Bad, Why Doesn't It Exist?

Yeah, god, micropayments. The thing people never seem to consider about that is that if every single click you make on a newspaper website is invisibly costing you something, it makes the act of even LOOKING at a website feel expensive, and therefore stressful, and therefore not appealing.

I am the only person in the world who actually plans to pay money for the New York Times website when/if they actually get around to asking us to do so. But the whole "No, people will HAPPILY pay two cents an article" thing is just so amazingly wrongheaded. It's like putting a small toll on every road you use to drive from home to the movie theatre. It'll just mean nobody drives to the movie theatre anymore.

Posted on December 13, 2010 at 1:55 pm 0

On History Says 'Transformers: Dark of the Moon" is Going to be Horrifically Bad

Look, I've made it super-clear that as soon as they want to give me a movie with the Dino-Bots in it, I will give them my money. Until then, eff a Transformer in the a.

Also, I cannot help but point out that the evil robot had an EVIL METAL GOATEE. I'm not making a value statement about that. I am just pointing it out. Also, his eye was made out of knives, for what I'm sure is a totally valid evolutionary reason.

Posted on December 9, 2010 at 12:43 pm 0

On Human Pollution Making Killer Whales Impervious To Our Weaponry

Yeah, I was gonna say, I thought they were plenty flame-resistant already, what with the whole "living underwater" thing. But it just goes to show: You can always be more of something, no matter what you are.

Posted on December 8, 2010 at 3:52 pm 0

On Let's All Frolic In The Snow

To be honest, when I was standing on the train platform watching the non-snow this morning, my first thought was "THIS is the first snow of the year? I feel cheated." And then I got to work and everything was equally shitty. Way to stay on brand values, 2010! Can we just call it and go home early from this year?

Posted on December 6, 2010 at 12:02 pm 0

On The Menace of the Professional Left

I agree with DoctorDisaster -- that much of the frustration with Obama is because of how much deference he's shown to Congress -- but that's a perfectly valid reason to be frustrated with him, because anyone with a pulse can see that Congress as currently constituted is a disaster of seriously historic proportions, and that relying on that group of assclowns' better angels to get things done is a fool's game.

Would challenging them more forcefully get more actual work done? Maybe (probably) not, realistically. But it would certainly make Obama and quite possibly the Democratic party more popular, and it would put Congress on defense, rather than allowing the Republicans who've ground it to a halt to set the tone and determine the parameters of what's possible on every major issue.

It's true that he's governing more or less exactly as we could have reasonably expected he would based on his past actions and comments, but the gap between that and what we want/need only gets more infuriating every day. And remember: we can't choose what Congress does, since we only have power to elect a single representative in the Senate or House at a time, but a direct vote for President does make you feel more "ownership."

Posted on August 10, 2010 at 2:08 pm 0

On Amazing Lindsay Lohan Jail/Rehab Video!!!

Can you imagine the money that sequel would make. I strongly urge you to write the screenplay on spec.

Posted on August 4, 2010 at 11:39 am 0

On Real America: Target CEO Chooses "Business" over Gay Rights

They're not, and nobody says they have to be; but they also shouldn't be allowed to reap the benefits of being publicly seen as "gay-friendly" if that commitment is in fact very shallow indeed. That's all this is about -- if their reputation is in fact based on false pretenses, then it's only fair to the public to inform them of that.

And I think I speak for everyone objecting to this when I say I refuse to believe there aren't ways of achieving their business goals that don't also sell out the gay community.

Posted on July 27, 2010 at 2:33 pm 0

On Jerry Springer's "Baggage" Is The Greatest TV Show Ever

I would like to file a formal complaint with The Awl for running this piece too late in the day for me to frantically call my roommate and make him DVR this TONIGHT.

Otherwise: amazing. I kinda wish this show was just called "OKCupid," or that OKCupid would adopt a web-based version of this format for their profile pages wholeheartedly.

Posted on July 6, 2010 at 6:54 pm 0

On Listicle Without Commentary: 21 Songs That Prove 2010 Has Been A Startlingly Good Year For New Music So Far

As a former Floridian, I really, really, REALLY want to know if that song is more popular at Florida State University, or at the University of Florida. THIS IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW FOR SOME REASON.

Posted on June 29, 2010 at 5:17 pm 0