Pandemic Endemic

Pandemic Endemic

I like dynamic kinetics, synesthetic aesthetics, shrimp scampi and Duran Duran.

On Software Efficient

My morning newspaper had a headline about how Starbucks is telling store managers to re-evaluate their scheduling policies. This is about so much more than just Starbucks and McDonald's. My friends and I work in Fortune 500 tech corps and it's happening to us, too. Look out, all you un-salaried American workers.

Posted on August 14, 2014 at 3:37 pm 0

On The Legend of the Legend of Bunko Kelly, the Kidnapping King of Portland

My friend's family had a restaurant near PGE Stadium with basement access to the Shanghai Tunnels! The doorway to the tunnels was almost as exciting as the "guard hobo" whom lived in the basement and utilized 5 gallon paint buckets instead of the many toilets located upstairs.

Posted on July 23, 2014 at 1:56 pm 0

On Arthur Rankin, Jr., 1924-2014

I used to think that fantasy was for other kids, but then I saw The Year Without A Santa Claus.

Posted on February 6, 2014 at 10:27 pm 0

On Our State Of The Union

@Flashman That coffee table appears to be made from the same linoleum that my grandma has in her 1960's ranch house. And don't even get me started on that striped hotel wallpaper.

Posted on January 28, 2014 at 11:39 pm 0

On Ask Polly: I Am Obsessed With My Boyfriend's Evil Ex-Girlfriend—And Her Blog! (And Their Dogs!)

@barnhouse Artisan spam?

Posted on January 22, 2014 at 11:29 pm 0

On Rihanna I Would Kill 4 U

Pour it uuuuuuup.

Posted on December 31, 2013 at 11:10 pm 0

On This Restraining Order Expires On Tuesday

@Natasha Vargas-Cooper Thank you for writing this article. Some folks out there will mix up the facts and contentions involved but no matter what, there's a lot of real talk in it. Over ten years ago I experienced an eerily similar tale - except it was a cat instead of a dog. The way you decribed how the cops don't take female abusers/stalkers seriously, how there is no rhyme or reason to the madness, and how no amount of psychology knowledge or Gavin de Becker books will save you is SPOT ON.

Posted on December 27, 2013 at 11:33 pm 1

On This Restraining Order Expires On Tuesday

@KarenUhOh I was about to say that maybe the Awl Pals should've stopped issuing user accounts after they hit the five digits, but reminding us all to Be Less Stupid is mo' better.

Posted on December 27, 2013 at 11:25 pm 0

On Ask Polly: My Mom Keeps Guilting Me About Visiting For Christmas!

FUAX's mom says he is being "childish" for wanting to sleep in the same bed with his partner? Then mom orders him to sleep in separate beds, like he is a third grader at a slumber party? That's just the tip of the bullshit iceberg...

All I can say, without spending two hours angrily typing, is good luck to FUAX, and SUBVERT THE CHILDREN.

Posted on December 19, 2013 at 1:32 am 2

On The Mystery Of The Whole Foods Giant Bread: Solved

@jolie What are your thoughts on those shopping basket/stroller/cart thingies, like what the lady in the background is pulling behind her?

Because the sight of those things kill my inner Danny Tanner. To me, nothing says Doo Doo Disease Factory like dragging food over the floor in a slotted, plastic death cage. The same floor that people drop packages of raw chicken thighs on. The same floor that fake guide dogs slobber and fart on. The same floor that shoppers track Gowanus muck on. I'm sure you get the picture, and want to wipe it from your mind with some vinegar-based cleaners.

Posted on December 19, 2013 at 1:10 am 1