On My Superpower Is Being Alone Forever

For me, the "is it gluten?" line rang for centuries.

Posted on September 14, 2011 at 9:56 pm 0

On Woman Can't Make New Memories

Tangentially related, I for one am disappointed in the pronunciation of tamagotchi.

Posted on August 16, 2010 at 12:35 pm 0

On Hungry America Gets Angry, Famous America Gets Silly

Lesson to be learned, America. This is why you don't do meth and go to McDonalds.

Posted on August 12, 2010 at 12:52 am 0

On Timmy The Tortoise Finds A Friend

Anyone seen the BBC Real Dolls documentary?

Posted on July 13, 2010 at 12:30 am 0

On Until Cop Cars Can Fly, The Ground-to-Air 'Transition' is the Perfect Getaway Car

Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads, because of robo holocaust.

Posted on June 30, 2010 at 2:02 pm 0

On Happy Social Media Day, Everybody!

I feel like one of those parents who has to explain why there's no kids' day. EVERY DAY IS SOCIAL MEDIA DAY.

Posted on June 30, 2010 at 1:09 pm 0

On Real America: Guess BP's Stock Price on Christmas Eve, Win One BP Share

An apocalyptic $20.12

Posted on June 24, 2010 at 8:19 pm 0

On Neighborliness And No Loneliness? What City Am I Living In?

Would you be mine? Could you be mine? Won't you be my neighbor?

Posted on May 20, 2010 at 2:56 pm 0

On These Guys Finally Figured Out How To Wear Sweatpants And Attract Women At The Same Time

"...the peacock puts on a show to attract the peahen. The peacock raises his long colorful tail feathers into the air and shakes them. The shaking of his tail feathers sounds like leaves rustling in the wind. The peacock faces the peahen, with his rustling tail feathers and follows her around making loud mating calls. If the peahen takes interest, she will allow the peacock to mate with her..."

Posted on May 8, 2010 at 10:54 am 0

On Jersey Mayhem: Every Criminal Makes One Mistake

Raccoons are vicious. There's a 50 pounder who lives by my parent's house who eats their garbage every night and lights up a cig on top of the cans.

Posted on April 5, 2010 at 11:46 am 0