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On The Trials of 'Entertainment Weekly': One Magazine's 24 Years of Corporate Torture

Awwww, poor A Life Less Ordinary.

Posted on June 10, 2014 at 1:53 pm 1

On Death to Negronis

I was going to say I'm really disappointed that The Awl is suddenly anti-Negroni but then I remembered that Negroni Season was also pretty anti-Negroni. Also, you know, five years ago. Nice to see the implementation of the HEY MATT THIS IS JOHN TAGGING IS EVERYTHING OK tag, though!

Posted on June 6, 2014 at 5:37 pm 0

On Your Phone Is Ruining You For Us

Phones are probably the #1 reason why I don't think I could ever live in New York. People whose wives aren't in labor and who aren't emergency room doctors themselves sitting at lunch, facing you with their phones face up on the table, twitching with anticipation every time it dings or boops or whatever it does. People who text you ten minutes before you meet them to say that they're going to be two minutes late. People who don't show up at all because you didn't text them ahead of time to say that you were going to be there even though the plans were finalized weeks ago, buddy. People that can't stare into the middle distance or properly critique shoes on the subway. It's all so disheartening.

Posted on November 6, 2013 at 5:20 pm 2

On Michael Crichton's 'Sphere': The Power of Positive Thinking

I almost didn't graduate from eighth grade because I had taken Sphere out of the library to do a book report for science class—which seemed crazy at the time but which was actually not a bad idea. Good job, Mr. Dewell!—and the library said I never returned it even though I TOTALLY HAD and my school had a policy that you couldn't advance to high school unless all your library fines were paid.

I remember nothing about the novel besides liking it.

Posted on April 5, 2013 at 9:54 am 0

On Please Stop Talking About Jon Hamm's Enormous Penis

"I'm not a fucking lead miner."

Posted on March 27, 2013 at 11:50 am 0

On The 19 Best Failed TV Shows Of The 90s (As Judged By Their Openings)

Woops! That's the name of that show. I've been trying to remember for two decades, basically. And yeah, try explaining "They survived the nuclear apocalypse because they all happened to be in Volvos at the time."

Posted on March 25, 2013 at 2:42 pm 0

On Take A Minute To Watch The New Way We Make Web Headlines Now

So wait, do you not like The Last Seduction? Is that the point of this article?

Posted on January 17, 2013 at 2:29 pm 1

On How "Baby It's Cold Outside" Became America's Secular Christmas Anthem, Despite People Claiming It's About Date Rape

HAHAHAHA I just said did it with.

Posted on December 21, 2012 at 12:53 pm 1

On How "Baby It's Cold Outside" Became America's Secular Christmas Anthem, Despite People Claiming It's About Date Rape

Tom Jones did it with Cerys from Catatonia circa Y2K. I think it was the version I knew first and still like the best because it's got Cerys from Catatonia on it.

Posted on December 21, 2012 at 12:52 pm 2

On Why Does the 'New Yorker' Hate David O. Russell?

Just for clarification, is Flirting With Disaster the dry one or the juicy one? (I ask because I think it's the best one, though I haven't seen the new one yet.)

Posted on November 27, 2012 at 9:15 am 0