On Shut up, bacon.
In the year 2009 the pigs will have their revenge.
Excuse me, I have to go write an Oscar winning screenplay.
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On A New Website That Will Help Advance Society
If only I had come up with this idea before Gawker did five years ago! I could sue omgicu into the ground.
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On "Bronx Zoo Fries Animals" Is The Kind Of Story That Would Sell Papers
You don't care now, but when there are fired lions and chimpanzees roaming the streets...actually they would still be in the Bronx, so you still wouldn't care.
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On Extremely Talented People Sometimes Recap 'American Idol'
When I was thirteen we Britney Spears running around half-naked with Teletubbies. It was awesome. It will be interesting to see if this wave of boring, "virginal" popstars will be more or less fucked up than her when they reach adulthood.
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On Remember When: New Coke
This explains a lot...like why America allows Jim Carrey to exist. Is that Jim Carrey, for that matter?
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On GM To Take The Summer Off
The car industry is like an ecosystem...that puts out a product that destroys the actual ecosystem.
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On News about booze you can use.
Aren't we supposed to have clones that look like Scarlett Johansson and Ewan McGregor so we can harvest their organs. This is the new millennium, isn't it?
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On This may very well be the most important story of the day
Best opening line ever. It really draws you in.
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On Coleman still losing to Franken in MN
Obviously Mr. Coleman is taking a long time to concede because he's overcompensating for something that isn't all that long.
What that thing is...I have no idea.