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On Drink Dispensers Balk At Crushing Burden Of Squeezing Lime

Might it just be that bartenders just don't like clawing handfuls of mint out of their trip sinks at the end of the night? No one is ordering enough Southsides to fill a drain with mint squish, but mojios are like bar herpes: once one person in the bar gets it, everybody in the bar gets it.

Posted on August 8, 2012 at 4:30 pm 2

On Have You Started Running Out The Clock Yet?

@Slackferno This is the best part about working at a bar. Those Christmas Eve customers are just so grateful that I'm not their families and that I give them booze. (Holidays are more manageable with a level 2 hangover for most people, right?)

Posted on December 22, 2011 at 1:02 pm 0

On Maybe This Explains Your Mood

@theheckle *You may have just put down your tabby because $10000 is a lot of money to spend on a cat that may not get better.

Getting a pet is signing up to watch something you love unconditionally die. So.

Posted on November 15, 2011 at 12:48 pm 1

On What The Old-Fashioned Tells Us About Ourselves

@boyofdestiny Many bars will have the Lairds or the Clear Creek apple brandy (or even if a calvados, if you don't mind drier and are feeling spendy). Ask your bartender for a bit of maple or honey syrup and a dash or two of a highly aromatic bitter and maybe a dash of allspice dram too if the bar has it.

Posted on November 3, 2011 at 2:43 pm 0

On What The Old-Fashioned Tells Us About Ourselves

@laurel An Old Fashioned has no fruit besides a bit of lemon or orange peel, squeezed to expel the citrus oil. "I've built Old Fashioned cocktails these sixty years... I have never yet had the perverted nastiness of mind to put fruit in an Old Fashioned" is how Crosby Gaige feels on the matter and I'd hate to argue with him.

Posted on November 3, 2011 at 2:38 pm 0

On Flann O'Brien at 100

@theheckle I started em all on Keats and Chapman. Very few bookish types can resist puns like those.

Posted on October 5, 2011 at 12:11 pm 0

On Life Is The Hardest Commute Of All

It's better if you look in the window, wonder if the damage to your complexion and svelteness of form can be directly traced to your professional level of alcohol consumption or just the aging process, get off the train, go to work, and have a surprise visit from your Scotch distributor, thereby restarting the cycle. I guess I'm saying you need more pre-work whiskey because it makes me feel better. So.

Posted on October 4, 2011 at 2:10 pm 0

On Dumb Word Game on Twitter That Cracks Me Up

What would be the best moment in the life of a drunken British anarchist?
Glassking for Balk.

Posted on September 8, 2011 at 1:14 pm 0

On Liquor

@Art Yucko Have you had the Bulleit Rye yet? So spicy and delicious.

Posted on April 14, 2011 at 6:43 pm 0