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On Jersey Mayhem: $67,500 Mystery Solved?

Someone help, I keep leaving bird food in a bucket outside my house and it keeps disappearing! Bird food is valued at infinity dollars each!

Posted on May 11, 2010 at 12:52 pm 0

On NASA Sending Humanoid Robot To Space Station To Kill Astronauts

Robonaut 3 will have boobs and be handy with a butterfly knife.

Posted on April 29, 2010 at 11:12 am 0

On Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Paid Me

Poor tiny hipster girl. Just trying to keep the blood sugar normal.

Posted on March 29, 2010 at 10:50 am 0

On The Night Lady Gaga Blew Up the Internet with 'Telephone'

Lady Ga Ga is like a fresh breath of raunchy air in the current music scene.

Posted on March 12, 2010 at 3:42 pm 0

On Smoking Is Awesome

You win this time, Smokers! *withdraws to smokeless cave*

Posted on March 12, 2010 at 11:52 am 0

On Jersey Mayhem: Defendant Slaps His Own Attorney In The Face In Court

Are you sure this wasn't a fan fiction article about Marv from Sin City?

Posted on March 3, 2010 at 12:41 pm 0

On Dear Owner of the White House At the Corner of Northvale and Southvale Avenues in Little Silver, New Jersey

So glad I was a kid back then and not now, HAHA!

Posted on February 19, 2010 at 2:55 pm 0

On The 32 Possible Side Effects of Using CHANTIX, a Non-Nicotine Prescription Medicine Specifically Developed to Help Adults 18 and Over Quit Smoking, In Order

Wouldn't it just be cheaper to gargle with bleach each morning? Jebus.

Posted on February 17, 2010 at 3:59 pm 0

On Beyoncé Is An Illuminati Puppet--But One Man Knows the Truth

Okay so now everytime I go on vacation somewhere, I'm going to show up at DIA ready to leave. But be way too distracted trying to find the secret Illuminati entrance and wind up missing my flight.

Fantastic.

Posted on February 16, 2010 at 3:36 pm 0

On Thanks to Susan Miller, Rich People Have Secret Window Into Future

"Welcome to one of the most dazzling months of 2010, dear Taurus! You have been working hard, and now February brings a new and very different influence, one that will bring you more fun, love, and a richer personal life. That's not to say you will have to put your career on hold - not at all. As a matter of fact, this month you will have your cake and eat it, too. In this glorious month, there are cosmic goodies in many areas! What a month, dear Taurus!"

Well then, party at my place!

Posted on February 10, 2010 at 2:52 pm 0