On "But Now You're Dead": The Never-Before-Seen Ted Hughes Poem
That totally reminds me of the time Ted called me up and asked me if I knew any Shakespearean ass puns and I said, "You bet Judas I do." And he said, "What are they?" And I yelled, "No wonder your wife killed herself, you're too stupid to live, but too stupid to know it. Ass! hole!"
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On "But Now You're Dead": The Never-Before-Seen Ted Hughes Poem
This one time, Ted Hughes wrote me a poem asking me to help him find his ass, but he wrote "as." And I was all, "Dude, I don't know where your as is. Maybe it's in the oven with your wife?"
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On 7 Things To Expect When Getting off Zoloft
Are you saying that not only was I not abducted by aliens and anally probed, but that I also wasn't molested by my super cute baseball coach way back in 1972 and instead I was just coming off the Zoloft? Also, you should know that my glorgmagog really is a hot triangle filled with chocolate pudding.
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On Spy: A Handy Guide
I had a poem printed in the letter section of Spy. It began: "I dreamed I was fucking Bill Clinton...." Ahhh. Fun times.
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On Owen Thomas Leaving Valleywag
There, there, Wookie, let me straighten this thing out. Here, here, how's that feel? You like? Better? All good now. xo
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On Is Arlen Specter A Secret Trojan Horse Designed To Give The Dems Swine Flu?
Is that what your older brother told you? No. Wash up, Rod. And wash your rod too.
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On Social A's: How You Should And Shouldn't Do Karaoke
This is STILL making me laugh. Like, five minutes have gone by. No shit.
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On Public Apology: Dear Girl From California
Dear belltolls, Are those two men in your avatar going to make-out or what?
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On Top Eleven Dumb Songs to Sing to Cats
It's Caturday in Catbodia.
It's tough, kitty, but it's life.