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On Top Eleven Dumb Songs to Sing to Cats

It's Caturday in Catbodia.
It's tough, kitty, but it's life.

Posted on November 30, 2011 at 10:56 pm 0

On "But Now You're Dead": The Never-Before-Seen Ted Hughes Poem

That totally reminds me of the time Ted called me up and asked me if I knew any Shakespearean ass puns and I said, "You bet Judas I do." And he said, "What are they?" And I yelled, "No wonder your wife killed herself, you're too stupid to live, but too stupid to know it. Ass! hole!"

Posted on October 7, 2010 at 7:00 pm 0

On "But Now You're Dead": The Never-Before-Seen Ted Hughes Poem

This one time, Ted Hughes wrote me a poem asking me to help him find his ass, but he wrote "as." And I was all, "Dude, I don't know where your as is. Maybe it's in the oven with your wife?"

Posted on October 7, 2010 at 6:22 pm 0

On 7 Things To Expect When Getting off Zoloft

Are you saying that not only was I not abducted by aliens and anally probed, but that I also wasn't molested by my super cute baseball coach way back in 1972 and instead I was just coming off the Zoloft? Also, you should know that my glorgmagog really is a hot triangle filled with chocolate pudding.

Posted on May 19, 2010 at 7:02 pm 0

On Spy: A Handy Guide

I had a poem printed in the letter section of Spy. It began: "I dreamed I was fucking Bill Clinton...." Ahhh. Fun times.

Posted on March 3, 2010 at 3:37 pm 0

On Owen Thomas Leaving Valleywag

There, there, Wookie, let me straighten this thing out. Here, here, how's that feel? You like? Better? All good now. xo

Posted on May 1, 2009 at 7:11 pm 0

On Owen Thomas Leaving Valleywag

This makes me so happy!

Posted on May 1, 2009 at 3:39 pm 0

On Is Arlen Specter A Secret Trojan Horse Designed To Give The Dems Swine Flu?

Is that what your older brother told you? No. Wash up, Rod. And wash your rod too.

Posted on April 30, 2009 at 11:25 pm 0

On Social A's: How You Should And Shouldn't Do Karaoke

This is STILL making me laugh. Like, five minutes have gone by. No shit.

Posted on April 30, 2009 at 8:11 pm 0

On Public Apology: Dear Girl From California

Dear belltolls, Are those two men in your avatar going to make-out or what?

Posted on April 30, 2009 at 7:35 pm 0