By Clarence Rosario on The Unverified
I've gotten a tremendous lift from my Vindicated Awl Commenter status.
5
By j.a.b. on Hair Is Wasted On The Hairful
@shostakobitch if it had been, there would surely be a much livelier comment thread
3
By Leon on It's Up To Millennials Now
I really hope the millennials can fix our broken ass government. It's a shame we're more divided than we have ever been. I yearn for the halcyon days of the early 1860s, when all Americans peacefully agreed to compromise on everything and always talk things out rationally.
4
By Niko Bellic on Ask Polly: My Best Friend Is In Love With My Sister!
"as we are all ladies in our 20s and that is pretty much our main interest"
Time to develop some new interests. I wish Polly would ignore letters from kids whose only problem is that they are growing up. Or maybe I'm just too old for this shit.
7
By Screen Name on Are Your Wrists Square-Shaped? What Does That Even Mean?
My wrists are shaped like those circular, foam-padded greenish-colored beer cooler things they used to give away to the first 100 people at Aqueduct racetrack, only with the bottoms punched out so they slip on easy, because I just did that! Man do these beer cooler things feel good. Look good, too. Like a superhero. The superhero of not getting carpal tunnel syndrome haha. I can't wait to show these to Sharon. Although she'll probably just sniff and be like, "You're an idiot."
God, why does she always have to be like that?
"Why can't you be happy for my carpal tunnel syndrome-wear invention, Sharon?"
"Why can't you recognize how pathetic it looks for me to come home and find you wearing beer coolers, Frank?"
"I was being resourceful, Sharon."
"No, Frank, resourceful would be to get a job."
"Jesus, how am I supposed to get a job when I have carpal tunnel syndrome, Sharon!"
This is the point in our conversations when Sharon, overwhelmed by the force of my logic, runs into the bathroom, locks the door and starts with the screaming. After a little while, after she's screamed herself out, she comes in the kitchen and finds me struggling with the scissors.
"I've been trying... my wrists they just... I can't bend... they won't...bend..."
"I know," she says, taking the scissors from me. "Let me help."
3
By Lionel Mandrake on Song Referenced
@deepomega Losing his division.
6
By BadUncle on Take An Internet Break To Learn This One Thing About A Popular Web Browser That Turns 20 Today [PHOTO]
Having grown up with rotary phones, typewriters, pension plans, and an awareness that in some distant science complexes, "mainframes" batch-processed Fortran to do computery things, I can't believe there's an entire generation that's always had the web, and wouldn't recognize a magazine if was rolled up and used to beat them on the nose.
6
By Gef the Talking Mongoose on Asshole College Kids Apparently Now Way Worse Than Ever
Goddammit, I had "Uzbekistan" in my bracket.
14
By jfruh on Asshole College Kids Apparently Now Way Worse Than Ever
what the fuck kind of criminal terrorist masterminds carjack a guy, tell him they're the marathon bombers, then ... let him go? this is some "four lions" shit right here
6
By deepomega on Commenter Really Into Alcohol
Other things on that list include Authentic Opium Dens, A Limp Handjob From A Work Acquaintance, Making Someone You Don't Like Drink From A Garden Hose.