By deepomega on Princeton, the Worst School on Earth (Part 38 in a Series)
@melis To be fair, have you SEEN her son's dick?
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By melis on Princeton, the Worst School on Earth (Part 38 in a Series)
"My older son had the good judgment and great fortune to marry a classmate of his, but he could have married anyone. My younger son is a junior and the universe of women he can marry is limitless."
He could marry any or all of the Dixie Chicks, a sentient crab, a mid-tier chain of Central European hotels, the reanimated corpse of Noel Coward, whomever. He could marry me, if he really wanted to. I would leave my husband, if he asked. He went to Princeton, you know. My son, that is. My son. My son, to whom I gave birth. He could marry Amphitrite, the foam-fleck'd queen of the seas. I love him so much, my son that I have. Sometimes at night I go into his dorm and hold a mirror under his nose just to make sure that he's still breathing and that Hecate, witch-queen of hell, has kept our bargain and will not come for his soul until the seventh night of the seventh year of his first-born son. Hecate will take any opportunity to cheat, you know, but I'm as wily as she is. I know the worm tunnels of Hell as well as she; my talons draw blood as readily as hers.
She will come for the spirit of my son at her peril. I will drown the seas in her blood, if she comes a day too soon.
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By jolie on Hi, What Have You Guys Been Up To?
I was imagining what you all were doing while the site was down. I came up with:
Choire: Hurling cats at John Shankman's face
Balk: Crying (too easy)
John Shankman: Fending off cat attacks and shaving Balk into the makings of a hairshirt to wear for the next 40 days
Carrie: Catching up on her canning & pickling
Edith: Carving vegetables into terrifying, but still rather charming, looking human forms
Nicole: Equestria
Logan: Eating an apple, looking out the window
Mike: Something disgusting and responsible (Logan's taxes maybe?)
Frucci: Drugs
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By Spencer Ackerman@facebook on Did Spencer Ackerman Get Beaten Up Enough As A Kid?
Come at me Balk.
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By Alex Balk on Fit Of Pique
@Murgatroid It's usually just implied.
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By saythatscool on Watch Writers Get Rejected In Real Time
11th #millionqueries: local bitch pretends she is still some sort of cultural gatekeeper despite the fact that technology made her obsolete 5 years ago, pass
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By JebBoniakowski on We Must Build An Enormous McWorld In Times Square, A Xanadu Representing A McDonald's From Every Nation
@Nghitti Just for the record, I have eaten nachos at the McDonald's at the São Paulo airport.
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By My Number Is My Address on We Must Build An Enormous McWorld In Times Square, A Xanadu Representing A McDonald's From Every Nation
Are you sure today isn't MLK day? Because I have seen the Promised Land!
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By HereKitty on We Must Build An Enormous McWorld In Times Square, A Xanadu Representing A McDonald's From Every Nation
Needs more tags.
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By Dave Bry on Which Is A Worse Piece Of Garbage, Ray J's Song About Kim Kardashian Or Brad Paisley And L.L. Cool J's Song About Race Relations?
Okay. Thanks, Murgatroid. And if it reads that way, that's my fault and I should be more careful with how I phrase things.