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On Ask Polly: How to Be Nice

For slightly different reasons, I too am a former/occasional Nasty Girl. A few years back I began to make a conscious effort to be nicer. At first it was a pretty shallow exercise: "Don't interrupt, ask questions, give compliments, and this person will like you more!" I wasn't actually being nice, I was just wearing a Nice Person costume. But slowly, over time, it became habit to listen to others, to say kind things to them. Then it became natural. Then I looked up one day and realized that I genuinely liked my friends and they genuinely trusted me and enjoyed talking to me. Like Heather said, just the recognition that you need to try is a huge first step. You'll get there.

Posted on June 18, 2014 at 1:15 pm 1

On Ask Polly: I Thought My Mother-in-Law Was Going to Kill Me at My Wedding

"Let's admit that everyone has a semi-disastrous wedding, it's just a matter of where on the Richter Scale yours happens to fall. OK? There's something inherently fucked about a wedding, that's all."

As a person planning a wedding right now, this paragraph is joining my other "Ask Polly" printouts that live in my purse.

Thank you for being wedding ambivalent! I am also done with "THIS FUCKING HETERONORMATIVE THREE-RING CIRCUS" right now, and then on top of that I get shamed for it if I express it. I have literally been told that I am ruining the romance of my relationship by expressing that wedding planning sucks balls. If one more person tells me to be "joyful" they're getting a wedding favor lodged where the sun don't shine.

Also, I'm so sorry LW. I'm sorry that you had to think about paramedics cutting your wedding dress off of you. There's wedding bullshit and then there's life bullshit, and that is pretty clearly a form of life bullshit that no one should have to experience.

Posted on May 14, 2014 at 1:27 pm 1