This is so good. So, so good. LW, once you start talking about these feelings you will start to realize that just about everyone has worked through a dark time like this, and when you can finally open up and share it's really beautiful. You can do it!
And I know that Heather mentioned meds, but I feel the need to share my personal experience, which is that after avoiding medication for years, I finally, tearfully, started taking an SSRI and it has helped immensely. I wish I had been more open-minded years ago. If, like I was, you are already challenging yourself in therapy, running like someone is chasing you 5x per week, eating well, etc, you might want to consider the drugs.
@thegirlieshow Had to create an account to chime in! The Polly column currently crinkled up in my messenger bag is "I Can't Stop Procrastinating!" Bland title, hidden gem.