Sometimes Heather reaches beyond her usual excellence and into superlative territory. To have this kind of empathy for a man, well, I'm so thankful to her.
I hope the letter writer truly understands that her boyfriend didn't pick his parents, didn't choose his own upbringing.
My wife and I grew up blue-collar (her) and poor pink-collar (me). Our son is much more privileged and prosperous than we were when we were teenagers. That, too, requires empathy, when you grow up in one socioeconomic class and raise a kid in a different one.
I rarely disagree with Polly, but I do with this one, at least a little.
Polly says, "It's ok to feel vulnerable about wanting love and not finding it." Maybe "vulnerable" is how the letter writer feels, but I doubt that's how she seems. I think she seems invulnerable. And I suspect that, to a lot of worthy guys, she's Just Too Busy.
Let's flip the sexes around: A man writes to Polly and says that he spends tons of time in the gym and looks freakin' awesome, and he owns his own business and likes to travel and so on. I can see a lot of women rolling their eyes at that.
I genuinely think that there's a difference between Wanting To Have It All and making yourself too busy and too pretty and too skinny and too hard-shelled to attract men who are compatible and are looking to fall in love.
On the other hand, and I realize that I'm contradicting myself, I met my wife when, like the letter writer, she was 33 (I was 30), and she had a job that was extremely demanding during some parts of the year. And I met her during one of those busy times. We went out a few times, but often, when I asked her out, she said she was busy. One time she turned me down and for me, that was the last time. I wasn't going to call her anymore. And then I got a postcard, asking me in a funny, sweet way to have patience. So I was patient, she eventually had time for me, and love bloomed. (Then she went to grad school out of town and ... oh, man, I don't know how we stayed together.)
But if her schedule had remained as busy as it was when I first met her, I would have skated away. And I truly wonder whether the letter writer is coming off this way -- as too busy for anyone other than a short-term bunny-chaser.
Also, does the letter writer date guys who are a few years younger? If not, maybe she could 30- and 31-year-olds, broaden her dating pool.