@happymummy agreed, I was also married to one like him. No matter what you say, it will go back to you being wrong or too much. Break up quickly and in a way that make YOU feel safe. If is has to be a text message, so be it. I was with this type for 10 years, breaking up was incredible funny because nothing he said worked on me anymore but it took me a long time to get there. Please don't do that to yourself LW
The first two sentences of Polly's advise are golden. I love when she calls it like it is!
@Tamlin Eve@facebook I so agree with you. Good you've been able to make a decision to take care of YOURSELF. We have a societal narrative that dictates keeping parents around no matter what. I don't even understand the talk about revenge. The need for distance temporary or permanent is all about self-preservation. If you haven't experience truly destructive parents you really have no clue...
I've also being through a pretty rocky relationship with my mother who just doesn't get it. Sadly after many years of trying all sorts of ways to keep her in my life even marginally I've had to completely cut her off and I have not regtetted that decision (it's been 6 years). As a rule, I find it hard to be around people who failed to acknowledge their mistake and hurtful behavior towards me so...I fibd your mom's behavior appalling. She was neglectful and allowed for your abuse and now blames you for the resulting out if control behavior. She also seems unable to see your new beautiful successful self. Kudos for you for being able to chose a healthy (I hope) fiance and get on with your life. Don't force yourself to have a relationship, do what feels best for YOU at the moment and if it no longer feels right, change it. Stay in therapy. Your mom should be very proud of who you have become despite the instability she provided.
Had the same thought reading this...
@THECLEANSER I agree with recent letters sounded very similar and yes it would be great to see more questions addressing the varied aspect of the human experience. I took no offense in your language since have definately felt broken and very depressed and sometimes revisit these but I am not there now and it's been over a decade sooo Once in a while it would be great to see a letter about a 40 something single mother trying to get laid by a non-tepid motherfuckers, just kidding.
I was with this very guy, it is not just one act of being inconsiderate. EVERY vacation is to his country, hummm. I am not American and miss the old country but when you are in a relationship is not all about you. He also barely have time for the "wife" during said vacation, doesn't punch the asshole friend for verbally assaulting his very pregnant wife and now insist they visit again. It is all about him. Are we promoting relationships at all cost even if damaging to self. This is not weakness, it is extrene self-centerdness.
@jalmondale hard to believe that te petsona they create isn't real...
@Lost Our Lisa I can relate to EVERYTHING you've said including the part on lobelibess. I've embraced it and feel the happiest I've ever been in my life and I suspect it will only get better.
Absolutely love the dog paddle analogy; I can't swim it is is the only way for me to move in water beyond walking buy watching my daughter swim, what a treat. I remember the misery if my 20's and early 30'svcourtesy of a challenging childhood. How freeing when you deal with your inner demons and realize life doesn't have to an ongoing battle. If you keep at facing your emotions, connecting with people who love you and try to lead a productive life it really does get better.