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On Why My Baby Doesn't Eat Animals

@Michael J. Martin : Oh, just a harmless riff, no offense intended.

Posted on October 16, 2014 at 10:24 am 0

On Why My Baby Doesn't Eat Animals

@Michael J. Martin :

Last year, in the spirit of responsible eating and oneness with the planet, I adopted a resolution to only eat what I kill.

So now I subsist primarily on :
The hopes and dreams of others.
Any sense of romance.
People's buzzes.
"The mood."
Two birds, but only with one stone (tougher than it seems!)
Time.
And occasionally, some fish.

Posted on October 15, 2014 at 12:36 pm 4

On The "Times" Opinion Curse

@KarenUhOh : I'll settle for three bucks if they just remove his photo.

Posted on October 1, 2014 at 12:13 pm 2

On The Birth of Adulthood in American Culture

@vespavirgin : YES. Krazy Kat is like Commedia del'arte gone Don Marquis. With funny animals. On the moon.

Also, I learned a new word : 'anacoluthon'. DAMN, UMBERTO, YOU ALWAYS TEACHING ME STUFF.

Posted on September 16, 2014 at 2:00 pm 0

On Eat the Skin

Wait, hold up. This is literally the first I've heard of mango skin being inedible.

* Google search for 'mango skin inedible' *

Holy. Fucking. Fuck.

Seriously? I have never not eaten the skin of a mango. People think it, what, tastes bad or something? Does it upset your stomach? I need closure on this one, and stat, before I Google every other one of my seemingly-innocuous habits JUST IN CASE.

Posted on September 12, 2014 at 3:58 pm 1

On A Brand Remembers 9/11

Oh, well done.

Posted on September 11, 2014 at 2:58 pm 0

On The Problem With Relying on a Machine to Eat All Your Garbage

Now I feel a lot better about my previously baseless urge to smack the radio off button every time I hear this guy do a "bit" on Talk of the Nation.

Posted on September 8, 2014 at 1:28 pm 1

On How to Say Hello in American

My cousin, who is not from the States, was recently here on a business trip. I asked her how the trip was going and she mentioned that the most confusing part of talking with Americans is "they always ask you how you are. Do they really want to know?" As a good New Englander, I assured her that it was just a pleasantry, and the correct answer was "good, how are you?"

A bit later, I had a horrible realization. "You're going all the way to Baton Rouge on this trip, aren't you?" I asked.

"Yes," she said, "and maybe to Texas too, if the meeting there goes through."

"Remember that thing about 'how are you' just being a pleasant greeting?" I said. "Well, it doesn't count south of the Mason-Dixon line. They actually want to know how you are down there. And by the time you hit Georgia, they may actually be offended if you don't spend at least five minutes actually telling them how you are."

"You know," she said, "I'm learning that Americans are much more complicated than people think."

I didn't have the heart to try to explain what she might expect in Louisiana. I figured she can just roll with it, like the rest of America does.

Posted on September 4, 2014 at 9:51 pm 1

On Um, Is Your Facebook About To Get Less Dumb? Wow.

@grendan : I'm guessing "faces".

Posted on August 26, 2014 at 9:10 am 0

On The Flight of the Ladybugs

When I was very small, my dad bought a bag of ladybugs for our garden. I remember it being the size of a gunnysack, but it probably wasn't. Anyway, it blew my little 6-year-old mind. That is all.

Posted on August 25, 2014 at 1:39 pm 0