people with misconceptions about what sophistication and intelligence are: SO MANY PEOPLE. Really irritating the number of people that treat ppl one way or another based on superficial indicators of intelligence. They think You're dumber than a pile of bricks when You say You don't like some show on NPR, then turn around and kiss your ass when You say you went to HArvard. Just: no. Also, ladies: intelligence does not equal kindness either. Don't get it why so many ppl confuse that one.
@rich bachelor prob seen the "other thing" more since coming to the states. It's become almost insufferable, but while I feel like I can say, "let's agree to disagree" with conservative people in the states when they talk about something hairy that makes me uncomfortable, I feel like really liberal people want to raise their voice and shoat, and then completely dismiss me or try to bully me about having opinions that don't jive with their own, because they are "Speaking Truth" and I'm some closed minded whatever, even though they only read stuff that jives with what they think, and associate with people who think the same way they do, and they've never really experienced the world much more than that because it makes them too uncomfortable and that makes them angry. So those people, I usually keep my guard up pretty high so I don't say anything that will set them off. They just have a tendency to "announce" their opinions, when nobody asked. It's frustrating, because I def see those people cut off friends and family alike, pretty indeterminately, for the sake of their lifestyle or alt. opinions. LW sounds by the letter like one of those folks, especially for the fact that his family, who he knows is conservative, knows these details like his girlfriend is bi and that he is an atheist when you know poor ma isn't going to understand or agree. These are things that can't be seen and since LW only spends a couple days with, need not be brought up in the first place. LE seems like a person that would sacrifice family over lifestyle and feeling comfortable for a couple days.
@rich bachelor I get annoyed by my conservative friends who do the same type of bullshit. I have super conservative friends and super liberal ones. I've learned a lot from both types of people. I just get annoyed by closed minded ness, contention,and being so stuck in your ways you refuse to put up with living life a little out if your comfort zone. My family varys wildly in secular and political beliefs and I've learned to be an adult and keep my mouth shut on a lot if occasions to keep the peace. When one of my relatives can't do the same, I feel like they are acting impulsively, like a child or a teenager. Maybe it's cause I've lived in other cultures, but I've learned the skill to blend in when necessary. It's a vital one in making and keeping relationships. I guess, be tolerant, be open and be accommodating to lifestyles different than your own, especially if it's for your mother and only for a couple days.
Sounds like one of those obnoxious ALTERNATIVE couples. I don't mind that they don't live like "Norman Rockwell" Or anything. I just find those people much more critical of other peoples lifestyles then even those people who live "traditionally". Just because they refuse to play pretend and rub everyone's noses in what Their oh-so-important opinions are, without considering their audience. as adults I feel like most of us, for the sake of other people, have to play pretend to get-along with other people or just omit certain truths to get by. Not while we are with the people we trust, not our close friends, but sonetimes, doing that is the kindest thing we can do to get along. The letter writer didn't have to tell his mother, his long-term ladyfriend was "bi" or even that he was an "atheist", if he knew it would only cause contention. I feel like as an adult, if you are going to be around people with a different mindset for a couple hours, the most logical thing to do is "omit" and when you disagree, smile tightly and nod, then change the subject. It just annoys me when people go into situations like that, and think that, "I'm right and I can't tolerate anything different then the sort of lifestyle I'm used to." It's closed minded and childish. If you sometimes keep some things to yourself and not bust into a place with a metaphoric t-shirt screaming "THIS IS ME AND MY OPINIONS AND LIFESTYLE" and just be kind of open, and listening, and accommodating, you can learn a lot, about your mother, about a different lifestyle than your own. Plus not drinking and sleeping in the same bed as your partner for a couple days? Not the end of the world. Grow up.